Laura Jayne Martin

Forgive yourself for everything. (Even for kind of believing your horoscope.)

@Samisaboysname Thanks for the follow! Great meeting you, I didn’t know people could meet in laundromats outside of Nancy Meyers movies.

Hating Christmas is my jam.

The climate control in her closest to fail. Do you know how expensive chocolate shoes are?

Merry Christmas to all from me, the Sea! Hehehe. I’m adorable. Did you ever imagine the sea would have the voice of a woman who is also an infant?

The one I ate at Tom’s Diner after I got my braces off.

You think relationships are difficult? Try friendships. Try courting someone in order to convince them to join you in some nameless, shapeless Platonic complication — forever.

I went to art school, so obviously I’m here to stack chips… is what I say while abusing free tortillas at any restaurant stupid enough to serve me free tortillas.

Solange. I recommend Solange, big time.

.08% off a beer. This beer is a full 4 cents cheaper than full price beer at this fine establishment.

Fact: I am the harbinger of the holidays. I am the Starbucks Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha.

I wanted to tell the policeman that my wallet was stolen. However, it wasn’t stolen. It was just in a bag I left on the steps after sitting there for a few minutes.