Laura Jayne Martin

“I think we both have been expecting this. I think this has been a long time coming…” you will tell your lies as you rise from the chair.

I feel like I can tell Gchat anything. She always remembers everything I say.

We SHOULD get it crunk upon, have fun upon, up in this dancery.

You can stand in the rain for an hour. You can keep standing in the rain. You can stand in the rain until you become the rain.

10. Backup Jorts.

So everyone knows that women aren’t funny. I’m going to choose not to support this statement with any evidence.

In the end, every relationship is really just a bunch of lines of dialogue.

Laura Jayne Martin: Are you trying to set me up with your mom?

Desire is a funny thing. Desire is a second drink. Desire is a salted rim. Desire is fluid.

Did you know that if you put Bacon on a dead body it will come back to life?

What is the name of the last cat you touched?

2.) How much can you deadlift?