Sleep over at your friend’s house. Normally you hate sleeping in someone else’s bed but it feels right this time. You wake up next to your best friend feeling so…

When I first heard this song, I thought to myself “This is so dumb. WTF?” Then I began to involuntarily move my body back and forth and before I knew…

You can’t fart when you’re dating someone. Sometimes the relationship will actually just feel like one long held in fart since that’s all you’ll ever be doing. We spend 95%…

I mean, let’s be honest, out of a hundred hipsters that refer to themselves as “photographers” and have Tumblrs full of pictures of homeless peoples’ shoes, a maximum of three…

Before Teen Mom, before My Super Sweet 16, there was Engaged and Underage: the perfect program to watch with your parents when you needed to convince them that cutting school…

Recently, I have worked my way back through my (embarrassingly complete) Christie collection, and Ohmygod guess what? Agatha Christie was a huge racist!

Show it by taking action, by picking up the phone and calling someone when texting or e-mailing or ignoring them altogether is easiest. Call your friend when you hear of…

Someone really likes you if they sleep with your best friend. Don’t you know it just means they’re trying to get closer to you? I would suggest going up to…

I’m not gonna lie. The first day was a damn nightmare. I felt woozy and had a headache. Most importantly, I WAS STARVING. I looked at all of Ritual Cleanse’s…

You’re bored. All of the pieces of your life puzzle have come together except for That One. The most important one. Or maybe it just seems like the most important…

You will not call him ‘snooks’ or ‘snuggles’ or ‘scruffs’ or ‘stinky,’ you will not call him ‘bear’ or ‘boo’ because these names belonged to his predecessor, these names belonged…

Some of us are here looking for love. Some of us are here looking for sex. Some of us are here looking for a simple date, a way to pass…

You don’t love the idea of them moving on, but you’ve started talking about how miserable their next significant other will be as opposed to thinking you’re going to get…

Here, in no particular order, the wordsmiths and their craft that should probably not get their rapper license renewed this year.

You learn a lot about people and their ability to disengage when you get your heartbroken. But I would venture to say that you learn even more when you break…

As Shadid was about to meet his end via a seizure of the breathing passages, I was rummaging through various bar couches and lost-and-found bins, hoping someone, somewhere, had found…

In today’s world, thanks to YouTube and Internet search engines, their remarks will be remembered by thousands if not millions of people for the rest of their lives — and…

Wow, oh wow, isn’t it weird when someone is your everything and then becomes a nothing? Shocker. Electrocuted. To be fair, you knew what you were getting yourself into when…

I don’t mean to paint a bleak picture of humanity. Just because someone screws you over doesn’t mean the whole world is out to get you. Adopting a hard shell…

It’s a specific kind of loneliness that hits you like a wave of nausea. When the two of you are having a beer and you realize that you have both…

The social web is a kind of always on camera, ceaselessly capturing text and image — capturing imprints of ourselves — our likes and dislikes, the pages we view and…

Bad sex doesn’t become Bad Sex until you’ve actually had good sex. In fact, you could live your entire life thinking you were having the most mind-blowing sex until you…

Roxicodone (Roxy, for short) comes in tiny blue pills. So tiny, in fact, that I would often lose them in my room and not find it until weeks later. Misplacing…

So I’ve never once had a relationship begin with something grand and romantic, like I came to expect from the movies, and I figured the same was true for most…

Listen, I want you to truly appreciate my sustained effort to pretend to be a reasonable human being. I’ve gone days without texting you, multiple days without texting you, three…

Don’t ever forget that the relationship you’re in is one you’ve chosen to be in, one that defines part of your life, for a week or a month, ten years,…

Going out to dinner and having everything and nothing to talk about, never running out of something to add (but perfectly comfortable with shutting up and pigging out when the…

He has really nice abs. But I only know because he’s shirtless in four of his seven profile pictures.

This weekend, when one of your friends texts you with promises of glory, of true love, and the possibility of dollar domestics — you say no. You say no, you…

Sometimes, when in situations like these, you find yourself in a conversation where the rules are that you have to keep making up these clever little witticisms to stay in…

The listing didn’t have an exorbitant number of exclamation points or asterisks, which was a pretty good sign. I mean, it wasn’t my first choice. But when you have no…

The universe becomes uncanny at its core, always shifting and realigning depending on how you look at it.

As confident and crisp as this how-to title sounds, what I impart below is not boastful advice based on personal success, but rather lessons learned from a less than stellar…

The art director didn’t invent a negative connotation for this ad, your brain did. Take responsibility for that, if you’re upset about what you’re seeing.

Regular sexual intercourse two or three times a week, usually Thursday nights after The Office and on the weekend; Saturday date night dinner at ethnic fusion restaurant whose assimilation of…

I’m not making any argument for or against Facebook, or debating how much exposure to creating various profiles online should be deemed appropriate, but I have noticed that, in any…

So, though they may be a bit cumbersome, I propose a few new terms that more succinctly get to the heart of the matter. This, my friends, is true love.

So it’s been a week since he left you at your doorstep with an, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and all you want to do is give that jerk a piece…

If you are the kind of man who, on his way out for a night on the town or an afternoon with friends, decides to finish his otherwise respectable outfit…

I woke up the next morning on a couch in the laundry room, three floors down from where I lived. I was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

I feel sorry for ugly people. Actually, that’s not true, but it’s a thought I deliberately generate sometimes in order to feel like I’m a good and caring person.

Stop checking your email because you know it will just be your friends asking you if you’re okay, and you don’t want to admit that you really aren’t but know…

People have very clear ideas on what abuse is. Abuse is physical, or abuse is between man and woman, or abuse is between parent and child; abuse is verbal, mental;…

We all know that no one is more of a model for your own future knight-in-shining-armor than a good, old-fashioned Disney Prince.

Look away from The Married Guy. He is either faithful, in which case you should concentrate your energy on trying not to hate his wife for her obscene good fortune,…

The Party Girl still hits the old haunts, but now it’s mostly to reminisce with her bartender friends about old crazy antics instead of to create new mayhem. She used…

Moving on is like this: one day you forget the taste. The next, you forget the smell. Then the touch. Then the laugh. Then the smile. Then the jokes. Then…

You’re beautiful because you take risks. You substituted “who cares” for “what if” and stopped talking into your beer about how you were going to do it and actually did…

If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would really like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the…

We shall discover herein analytical aspects of our subject, punctuated by commentary of a more personal sort, starting right here with a description of the emotional status necessary to get…