Latest From
Thought Catalog
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A Letter To Your Crush
Herein lies the dilemma of having a crush. Do you actually want to act on it? Do you want to give them your phone number and resign yourself to feeling miserable until they finally text you? Sometimes it’s fun to just have the crush. The PG fantasy.
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Reasons Why I’m Never Going To Have Sex With You
Um, you’re creepy? Um, you’re too old? Um, you’re too aggressive? Um, you smell like onions? Um, I think you have a boyfriend? Um, you just graduated high school? Um, I just ate a burrito and am not DTF? Um, you’re not cute? Um, I need to feel empowered by rejecting you?
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You Need To Know That You Broke My Heart
It’s all a game we play. You’re not supposed to know how much power you had over me. You’re not supposed to how much I thought about you, how often I thought about what were you doing, how often you reduced me to tears.
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The Real Reasons I’m Not Texting You Back Right Now
Texting me after 10 on a weeknight is a lost cause dude. I’m watching episodes of Seinfeld on my couch, in my sweatpants, eating pizza. I turned off Social Me like an hour ago, and once I turn it off for the night, it doesn’t come back on until tomorrow, midday at the earliest.
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5 People You Might Feel Weird Fantasizing About
Your boss could be a fat eyesore and you might still want to sleep with them sometimes. Think of Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock. Dude is seriously old and portly but there’s something so sexy about him. What could it be? Oh right, a little thing called power, which makes the sex world go ’round.
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Things To Remember When You’re Single
Believe in yourself. Don’t feel like you’re not good enough to be loved. Self-pity is a good way to stay single. Self-respect is a good way to stay grounded. Remember that people who are in relationships were once single.
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I Want To Snuggle With You
Make a joke after a few moments of peace, one of those jokes that isn’t funny because of its sharp wit, but funny because it’s a comment on our current state, designed to make both of us ease further into the bubble of each other that we’re currently floating in. You could say something about…
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Things To Remember When You’re In A Relationship
Remember that you’re an individual; that your personal success matters. Have something other than ‘Really awesome girlfriend! :D’ on your resume. Take pride in something.
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Stuff You Say To Someone When The Conversation Runs Dry
“Do you know *insert name of possible mutual friend here*? Because they also went to Bradford High and I thought you might know them. Oh, you don’t? It’s a really big school but I figured there was a chance. Okay.”
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What Life Must Be Like For A Pretty Girl
All the pretty girls went to the same sleepovers and told the same secrets and wore the same make up. They talked about the cute boys in their grade, the boys they knew could be theirs if they wanted them. They were starting to understand what having a beautiful face meant and they were starting…
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5 Legitimate Reasons To Get Drunk
Okay, I love getting drunk with someone I’m dating, especially if it’s at a house party or something. You can go and be your social drunk self, all while knowing that you have someone to go home with at the end of the night. There’s no pressure!
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4 Jobs To Take If You Hate Humanity
You learn the procedures, you become familiar with how the different coffee tastes and what it mixes well with. It’s not some magical set of spells and incantations that you learn over high-moon ceremonies as you sacrifice a chicken with your shift manager–it’s making god damn espresso.
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A Checklist For The Age 19
Arrive at realizations that everyone else has already reached, crude truisms you’d idealistically dismissed or ignored. Money is power, pretty is good, sexism is the status quo. Adults don’t know what they’re doing, most mistakes matter, and you will never be cool.
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10 Things That Happen In A Lesbian Relationship
In a relationship, it is almost guaranteed that you will get fat and happy. You will lie contentedly in her arms on your plush couch among your eclectic throw pillows and reflect on how lucky you are. You will order in and eat out. In a spirit of domestic goddess-osity, you will attempt to cook…
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Why Hooking Up With Girls Who Have Boyfriends Never Pays Off
“Scott,” he says. “I know Bill has been playing every single minute for us for the past year-and-a-half, since right after that fall formal, you know, when he came up to me at the punch bowl and started rubbing my back and said, ‘Why don’t you give me a shot at the title, coach?’ But…
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10 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Seriously Gay
He has feelings. When you’re upset about something, he actually has the audacity to ask if you’re okay. Between sobs, you want to tell him that it’s not his job to care. He’s required to be incredulous about your emotions 24/7. There’s supposed to be comic misunderstandings, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,…
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Things I Feel When I Miss You: An Open Letter To My Friends
I remember when we met. We were 6 years old and climbing trees; we were 13 years old and discovering boys; we were 18 years old and starting university, we were 22 years old and falling in love for the first time: whenever, no matter, we were just kids then. We still are, but when…
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How To Define Your Ambiguous Relationship
Worry that your relationship lacks definition because you are vastly over-invested (you are) (this is the most clarity and insight you will have throughout this whole situation). Spend more time being concerned that things aren’t going to pan out the way you want them to than actually doing anything to cause them to pan out…