This was not how it was supposed to work. I never set out to be half of that couple you hear about. The ones that because of high rents or long leases or the great dysfunction are forced to live with each other long after their relationship has expired. Yet here I am. Freshly twenty-seven…

And it’s not just that the characters find themselves in depressing situation after depressing situation (well, they kind of do), it’s the fact that the scope of the novel makes every depressing instance so much more tragic because you’re highly familiar with what lead each character to the sad place they’re in currently.

There’s nothing worse than wearing pants—nudity is a wonderful thing. But you’re at your most vulnerable when you’re naked, at the mercy of emotions and the elements, which are both liable to kick your bare ass at any moment. Here’s a guide I prepared (based on my own experience) to help you navigate the minefield…

You’re so bored. It’s six p.m. and there is nothing good on T.V. so you want to have sex with someone. Depending on your situation, you will either have to seek it out like a hunter.  You will go to the bars and zero in on your prey, or you will have sex with someone…

After college, you’re thrusted into the real world to Find A Job and Be Self Sufficient, and in turn, you become aware that the people in this world think binge drinking after college actually = alcoholism and a potential sign that one doesn’t have her shit together.

Bitches always think they’re so funny. Whenever they say something that was kind of screwed up, they’ll quickly be like, “That wasn’t bitchy. I was just making a joke!” Well, guess what? Your joke wasn’t funny. It was just bitchy, and bitchy does not always translate to hilarity!

You’re eating a Subway sandwich with your friend when all of a sudden, you want to have sex with someone. You try to avoid it by focusing intently on your sandwich. Yummy. Pickles, turkey, lettuce, naked flesh, private parts, mustard. Darn it! You’re looking at chipotle mayo and getting aroused. Why must life be so…

I can’t say it has been easy learning to live without you. Heading into year three, I can say I have started to make real progress. I can talk about your death without crying. I can look people in the eye and tell them how you died. And now I finally feel like I can…

Once you understand that you don’t have to get wasted, sleep with a random, and vomit in a trashcan to have a successful Friday night, you can actually get the good kind of drunk and have the good kind of fun. When people had Walks of Shame in college, they were actually secretly happy about…

‘Melancholy’ is in and of itself a fascinating word. Visually, at least, it could be like a homophone of ‘symphony’, as in an assemblage of beautiful instruments, as it ends in the same sometimes-vowel and contains the same orchestra of consonant blends, the sort that migrate softly from the wet and rarely-used places of the…