13. Walking through a spider web.

We can’t split up. It’s only three a.m.. Only the elderly and the terminally bogus go home at this geriatric hour.

Just because something looks pretty hanging in your closet doesn’t mean it looks pretty on you. You know it. I know it.

A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry…

The producers originally cast Amanda Seyfried as Cady, but Michaels felt she would be a better Karen.

You are not wearing the kinds of clothes you feel best in because you perceive them to be “not in style,” “not a good label,” or “not meant for someone…

Perhaps it would be best to make an actual list of information you acquired legitimately vs. information that you harvested from Facebook/Google/old blogs/other unfortunate sources

Tell real-life scary stories, like the one time you didn’t have health insurance or the pregnancy test you took in college.

Because you’re single and need to pay for a gym membership and buy the right pair of jeans that makes your ass look good so you can increase your chances…

You’re smoking. You don’t ever smoke.

Living in doubt can be addictive, it can give a sense of burning hopefulness that, as long as it is not extinguished completely, can sustain someone for years on end.

The moment you step foot into an Apple store, you are bombarded with a bunch nerdy dudes named like “Steve” or “Dan” dressed in blue tee shirts and beyond eager…