Not twerking or shaking your ass in the club, because you have intellectual prowess and therefore no need for such base demonstrations of sexual value. Come on, you’re not a stripper.

4. Be thankful. Every single day. Every time you open your eyes to a new day of life on this earth. And learn to appreciate every moment of the beauty surrounding you. 

4. He’s too nervous. It can be that simple, really.

Bill Murray stole $20 from me. Not in the sense that I saw a bad movie of his and decided he owed me for my time and money spent, but that he actually grabbed a $20 bill from my hand, put it in his pocket, said the words “no change” and went on his merry…

Pictures/cameras. I just captured this ONE moment in time that I can now look at for the rest of my life.

I would like to dispel some of the myths about marriage I have confronted over time.

These two 10-year-old boys kidnapped, tortured, and killed a 2-year-old they found waiting for his mother outside a store in the mall.

The only way to save a lot of money fast without going insane or giving up is to spend less and make more. It’s not glamorous, and it’s kind of hard but it gets the job done.

1. Relationships are only temporary but Taco Bell is for forever. 2. Taco Bell always welcomes you with open arms and never judges you when you show up drunk. 3.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this interview with Lisa Kudrow about the nose job she got when she was in high school.

My brother was the baby in the family, and I couldn’t imagine my mom turning her back on him to protect me. How would that even work? Grown-ups who molested kids went to jail, but could he? Did I even want my brother to go to jail?

We lose the mystery, the intangible but palpable reality of our existence, one that’s both elusively foreign and so comfortably, warmly home.