SHOCKER: Men Don’t Really Compare Penis Sizes

My initial response to this piece, written by the estimable Kat George, was simply, “Cock-Sharing???” I’ve always assumed women are more comfortable naked around each other than men are – which is probably another indication that men and women don’t know shit about each other. This unfortunate fact dates back only to the beginning of time, but I believe we can bridge the divide with some honest dialogue.

Never in my life have I felt moved to compare dicks with another male, whether openly or surreptitiously. I’ve always been transfixed by the female form. When I was about four years old, my mom and aunt took me swimming, and since I was so small they took me into the women’s bathroom with them. My aunt made the mistake of changing right in front of inquisitive little me, and I spent the rest of the day asking, loud as shit and to everyone, “WHY’S ALL THAT HAIR DOWN THERE?!?”

About a year later, a female cousin and I were playing at my house, and we got the brilliant idea to play “Doctor.” Neither of us knew a damn thing about intercourse or our still-dormant sexuality, though I guess nature sparked that curiosity nonetheless. My uncle intervened before anything could happen, but I was as intrigued as ever. I took that with me to private school, where the pigtailed girls in knee-high socks were beginning to sprout something in back of their plaid skirts. This gave birth to the “scoop list” – a list of girls’ asses we wanted to grab. We discovered the best time to do it was when a girl was passing between our desks, and we’d all laugh like a motherfucker after school, crossing them off our list. The subject of our dicks and their relative merit never once came up.

High school gym class was a similar experience. The boys’ locker room was not as outsiders may perceive it: we changed clothes in relative privacy, and if ever there was horseplay, you better believe we had our gym clothes on. Out on the mats was a different matter altogether. I can vividly remember during stretches all the guys staring – slack-jawed – right up the cheerleader shorts of this unbelievably fine freshman girl, who happened to have the fattest mound you could possibly imagine.

College and grad school brought about the usual liberated expression. I’ve been in threesomes with two women, and I’ve also participated in foursomes with another couple, and again, my counterpart’s dick was the furthest thing from my mind. I’ve likewise never believed in discussing a partner’s ex whatsoever – much less his package. At least since puberty, I’ve been content enough with mine to know that if you’re not stimulating a woman intellectually, eventually it won’t matter how big you are.

My message to Kat (and all women) is this: men have the same hang-ups you do – about our bodies and all things – and we don’t all externalize them the same. Neither are we as preoccupied with each other’s cocks (nor sharing our own, at least not with other men) as you think. So if this insight opens the door to enhanced vagina sharing among women, I implore you to have at it. I volunteer to be the arbiter of all disputes.