Lance Pauker

You can now use the slang terms below to impress anybody while traveling the globe–which is something you’ll clearly be doing, because that’s what interesting people do.

Football means increased human gatherings. Increased human gatherings will do wonders for your instagram game.

Fast-Talking High Trousers has only one motive–to convince the woman of his desire to be completely his by the end of this super steamy, silkily slick sentence.

This one might really hit home. Sad face.

She’s the quintessential hot girl that many Bro-types tend to disparage; partially because the stereotypes are spot on, but partially due to the deep seated frustration/jealously that comes with never being able to land one of these Real Princesses of Actual Society.

Your best friend is an iced coffee the size of a small child.

Without a doubt, Family Feud takes the cake.

These courtships tend to flood themselves with awkward pauses, financial bracket litmus tests, and plenty of overzealous drink slam-downs–emphasizing the gravitas that is the collective struggle of dealing with their significant other, or socially opaque boss.

Remember that one time Donald Glover played that Republican dude in Girls?

Netflix is resoundingly not an option. There’s no going back.

James Franco’s story isn’t one that should be spearheaded with the vindictive ire of a bunch of liberals attending an Arkansas Pig Roast. Rather, it should be celebrated and admired.

You’ve lost all interest in heating up leftovers.