Lance Pauker

A Chinese beekeeper broke a world record by covering himself with 1.1 million bees. He received 2,000 bee stings, and not even close to enough instagram likes.

7. Last Sunday morning, $175,000 worth of cocaine washed up ashore a Galveston, Texas beach. Down in Bikini Bottom, there are reports of an unprecedentedly irate Squidward.

Summer’s right around the corner. As is a bowling alley, depending on your precise location.

1. Have Complete Disregard For The Health Of Your Shoulder

1. Tommy must take on his apartment’s neglectful landlord, who refuses to provide Tommy’s building with hot water. After years of having a constantly upset stomach, Chuckie finds out he’s gluten-free.

Music ended up being the theme of the date. At some point during our non-Tinderized, remarkably inefficient pre-mating ritual, we got to the topic of tuneage.

Whip out those flip phones and jam out to these (soon to be) classics:

Looking for something to get sucked into on Netflix, that won’t necessarily make you feel like a complete waste of a human?

Bored at work? Waste time with the following friends and acquaintances.

2. The Roster/Facebook Stalk

Remember that in the end, it’s not about grades. Unless you do well, in which case it’s entirely about grades.

2. The “are they getting married? I can’t believe they’re getting married!!”