What You Want Vs. What You Need In A Relationship Based On Your Enneagram Type

Type 1: The Reformer

What You Want: Someone to always say you’re right. Someone who is essentially perfect and what you expect in your head. Someone who makes perfect sense to you.

What You Need: Someone to support your search for morality, but who shows you everything isn’t always black and white. Someone who helps you loosen up when you get too rigid. Someone who respects you and cares about your interests, but who also encourages you to not be so hard on yourself.

Type 2: The Helper

What You Want: Someone who needs to be taken care of. Someone who validates your reason for existing. Someone who lives a life you wish you had, so you can live through them. Someone who is a bit of a mess unless they have you to help hold them together.

What You Need: Someone to also take care of and appreciate you. Someone who supports you just as much as you support them. Someone who reminds you how cherished you are, without expecting something in return. Someone who shows you how loved you are without tying it directly to the things you do.

Type 3: The Achiever

What You Want: Someone to admire you. Someone to boost your ego. Someone who only points out your positive aspects and never shows you your flaws. Someone who makes you look good in front of everyone else.

What You Need: Someone to support you, but who keeps you in check. Someone who reminds you that you don’t have to be important to every single person in the world, as long as you are important to the right people. Someone who supports you in chasing your dreams and your goals, but helps you see that you’re valuable and wonderful whether or not you succeed.

Type 4: The Individualist

What You Want: Someone to fully understand you and your quirky ways but not entirely so that you can still be mysterious. Someone to embrace your uniqueness. Someone who highlights how special and creative you are. Someone who serves as a muse you can create from.

What You Need: Someone who strives to understand you, but also pulls you out of your head every now and then. Someone who reminds you that you’re not alone. Someone who validates your creative process but doesn’t let you play a victim. Someone who can help you see how you can still be individualistic and one of a kind while still relating to other people.

Type 5: The Investigator

Way you want: Someone who serves as a sounding board for every single idea/piece of information you come across, who then leaves you alone at a moment’s notice. Someone who lets you overthink everything without pushing back. Someone who makes the relationship convenient for you by not asking you to open up much emotionally.

What You Need: Someone who appreciates your interests but also reminds you there is more to the world than just thinking about it. Someone who affirms your intelligence and supports your pursuit of learning—they want to learn with you. Someone who is self-sufficient and doesn’t “need” you, but wants you. Someone who challenges you to embrace your emotions and express them from time to time.

Type 6: The Loyalist

What You Want: Someone who will hide from the dangerous world with you. Someone who will agree that life should be lived in strict rules and regulations. Someone who makes you feel safe and secure from every bad thing that could ever happen.

What You Need: Someone who helps you see that caution is important, but that life needs to be lived anyway. Someone who helps you feel safe, but also that some things are out of your control and can’t be “prepared” for. Someone who expresses their intentions and emotions clearly. Someone who isn’t afraid to express their love for you out loud.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

What You Want: Someone who will buy a plane ticket with you at the drop of a hat. Who will be ready for any whim or adventure. Someone who will let you ignore conflicts in life in order to do something more fun or positive. Someone who doesn’t get too attached to you.

What You Need: Someone who reminds you life is good where you are, and that dealing with pain is important sometimes. Someone who makes you want to stick around instead of taking off somewhere else. Someone who loves your positivity and optimistic view of life, but encourages you to relax and express your negative emotions from time to time.

Type 8: The Challenger

What You Want: Someone to get the heck out of your way while you run the world. Someone who lets you push their buttons and test them constantly. Someone who (somehow) lets you call the shots but also doesn’t just stand around and let you do what you want.

What You Need: Someone who shows you emotions aren’t weak and everyone can use a partner. Someone who understands your all or nothing mentality and flashes of anger, but isn’t intimidated by it. Someone who will stand with you while you fight for what’s fair, but also helps you see all the sides to the battles you’re fighting.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

What You Want: Someone who reads your mind and anticipates every need you’ve ever had so that you don’t have to bother them and ask for it. Someone who never fights with or disagrees with you so that your relationship can always be positive. Someone who tells you what they want so that you can become that kind of person.

What You Need: Someone who shows you that you can be yourself and ask for your needs without making you feel threatened or small. Someone who encourages you to set boundaries and care for yourself and then honors those boundaries. Someone who shows you conflict doesn’t have to be devastating or the end of the world, but can lead to understanding and growth for both sides. Someone who validates and affirms who you are, and doesn’t try to change you into who they want you to be.