I’m Done Pretending Like I Could’ve Fixed Us

I’m done pretending like I could’ve fixed us.

I tried. And I failed. I failed you. Or so I thought. But really, I failed myself. There was no way this was ever going to work. I tried like hell. But in reality there was nothing I could’ve done.

I’m done pretending like I could’ve fixed us. I’m done apologizing for being wrong. I’m done trying. I’m done asking you to meet me in the middle when you have no intention to. I’m sorry I wasted my time. I’m sorry I let myself fall for someone who had no intention of catching me.

Because the truth is, I thought we could work. And I really did try. But you can’t be the only one trying. You can’t be the only one putting in work. Because eventually, you get hurt.

It hurts to care. It hurts to put so much effort in, just to be torn down. It’s humiliating. I built you up so high in my head, that you could do no wrong. Regardless of what others said. I wanted so hard for us to work, that I lost myself in the process.

You changed me.

And it’s a good and bad thing.

I lost myself for a minute. But in losing you for good, I found myself. I realize that there was never anything I could’ve done to ever make us work. That was all on you.

And you failed miserably.

You didn’t try. You didn’t care. You didn’t show up when it mattered.

And that’s what I’ll remember.

I’ll remember the nights I stayed up, trying to calm the storm. Or when things were so good, just wondering when it would go bad again. I forgive myself for allowing the behavior. And I even forgive you. I forgive you, because you too were lost.

I’ve learned who I am. I’ve learned what I will tolerate. What I deserve. And I now know, fixing us was a battle I never could’ve won. Even in my wildest dreams.

Thank you for helping me see what I deserve.