When You Finally Give Up On Him

It took a very long time, but you finally gave up on him.

You held out for a long time; you even convinced yourself that he would return. The thought of spending your life without him didn’t make sense—it wasn’t an option in your heart. The relationship through your eyes was magical, a divine union planned by some higher power.  Being loved by him was a feeling of complete surrender and trust. Being loved by him was an eternity of sadness that was made whole in the comfort of his arms.

He looked at you for so long as his best friend, his lover, and a true love destined for the end of time.

You felt beautifully out of control, like your feet never hit the ground, and the mere thought of him made you feel safe. You found your person. After years of heartache, an unexpected encounter made you believe in fate. You weren’t prepared for the aggressive way his love grabbed at your heart. He brought out the very best in you, abundant in all areas of your life. Once again, you believed in love and it took ahold of you like the perfect storm.

Plans were being made in your heart, and both of you seemed to be on the same page. Steps were taken to move forward quickly, but the responsible side of you decided to take your time. After all, slow and steady wins the race, right? The passion was a magnetic pull between two people deeply attracted to each other, wanting the same things. Oddly, even though you came from different worlds, your past pain mirrored each other and perhaps triggered inner wounds. You understood each other on a level no one else could. It was like peace mixed with impulsivity.

At some point, the emotional connection or pull to be in a relationship ended for him, but you held on for another year by the skin of your teeth, praying for God to not take him too. Eventually, he walked away, not because he didn’t care, but because it didn’t feel right for him anymore. He evolved and healed through his relationship with you. He had every right to his own life, but you couldn’t let go in your heart. You cried, you prayed, you asked for help, and you did your best to forget him. You carried on with your life as though there was a piece missing.

Outwardly, you chose to take the higher road and never uttered a bad word about him, you spoke highly of him always. You became protective of him and the relationship you shared, but at what cost? In your mind, you were stuck, unable to move forward with anyone else because you made a commitment to him and that meant something to you, even if it was over.

You weren’t that girl who went out with other people because you couldn’t be alone—you didn’t need anyone to make you happy or heal your pain, you just needed time.  It is part of your nature to go into hermit mode and lick your wounds, find ways to arise from the ashes a better woman. Some people may view it as a waste of energy and time, and they think you should just put yourself back out there again. No, what you needed was to be alone, nurture yourself, correct the mistakes you’ve made, seek inner guidance, become healthy, cry in your pillow every night, find new talents, and allow God to help you become the woman you are meant to be.

Everything happens for a reason, right? We hold on to people tighter when they walk away, and we lose our identity in the almighty fight for love. It may take a month, it may take a year or two, but one day the pain won’t hurt as much. One day you will start to fantasize about a new life, and one day you will realize that you love them enough to wish them happiness without you. It’s been a long time coming, with plenty of mistakes and hard work, but today you finally let go in your heart. Maybe you have stated the words for a long time but never felt them. You woke up different, you woke up happy, you woke up believing that God has a plan for you, and you decided to get out of your way to receive it.  It hurt to give him up—you were in this bonded love for life, you were head over heels in love with him, but today you decided to love yourself more.

It took a very long time, but you finally gave up on him.