How To Be A B*tch

Fail to smile every moment you are in public or around other people, because the first sure sign that a woman is a bitch is any expression that does not indicate happiness.

Be assertive when you talk to people especially when you‘re standing up for yourself after you’ve felt insulted or disrespected.

Be genuinely competitive in anything and you will not only be seen as a bitch who is too concerned with winning, you’ll also be seen as “manly” because only men compete, women are supposed to collaborate.

Be well-dressed. Bitches are always well-dressed because they are obviously trying to prove that they’re better than everyone else.

Be thin. If you’re going to be a bitch, you need to have the sort of figure that makes people think you’re self-absorbed probably because you work out and try to eat healthy.

Be fat. If you’re fat, you’re revealing that you clearly don’t take care of yourself enough which makes you a  burdensome bitch.

Be neither fat nor thin. People will assume that you’re a bitch because you’re not picking sides, like what is wrong with you? You’re making it difficult for people to classify you and that makes you a bitch.

When a guy hits on you at a bar, tell him directly but not unkindly, that you’re not interested. You’re still a bitch, you rejected a nice guy who hit on you at a bar. What makes you think you have the right?

Swear. Swearing is very unpleasant and un-lady like and bitches aren’t ladies as we all know.

Show any kind of annoyance or anger or frustration with life and you have probably ruined someone’s entire existence with that display. You’re not human, you’re a bitch.

Give yourself a compliment. Congratulations, you’re not just a bitch but a narcissistic one at that that.

Disagree with a man about anything.

Be too loud.

Be too quiet.

Be too much of something and not enough of something else.

Whatever you do, be a woman who just so happens to not be acting pleasantly enough to please the people around you.