4 Places That Should Enforce Child-free Zones

1. Airplanes

It was announced recently Scoot Airlines, based out of Singapore, will begin offering passengers a child-free zone on flights. This is one small step for man, one giant leap for childfree adults everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely feel empathetic towards the parent on the plane holding their crying child, as I’m sure it’s just as annoying to them to hear their kid making a fuss on a flight as it is to the other people around them. I feel bad when another passenger let’s their irritation get the best of them and they make shitty comments to the parents who are trying their best to calm their child down.

At the same time, I think Scoot Airlines is doing both their childfree passengers and the children on flight a favor by letting adults choose to buy a seat in a childfree zone. Because let’s be honest; sometimes I want to drink my overpriced mixed drink and sandwich without a crying baby next to me, just as the parent and child deserve to not sit next to someone who wants to drink her flight anxiety away. Let’s hope Scoot Airlines childfree zones will start a trend in flight options for travelers everywhere.

2. Bars

It seems like this one would be a no-brainer as most bars aren’t very inviting places to bring kids, yet often when I go out to a bar I see parents out at midnight with their exhausted looking children. I understand a person’s identity doesn’t dissipate simply because they produced a tiny human and I understand parents still want to throw a few back once in awhile. I have no judgments there, but it’s a little damn annoying when I go out and someone with their children sit next to my table and complain because they can hear me or one of my friends swearing or talking about sex or other things children probably shouldn’t listen to. It’s a fucking BAR for fuck’s sake. If you don’t want your precious children hearing adults using adult language and talking about adult topics then maybe you shouldn’t have them in a bar. Not only do you look like a shitty parent but your kid is having a shitty time as well. If you can’t afford a babysitter don’t go out to a bar and force your kids to sit there miserably. Figure out what to do with your little munchkin THEN indulge in as much booze and debauchery as you want.

3. Nice restaurants

While I can appreciate an adorable cooing baby or a well-mannered 7-year-old, I get thoroughly annoyed when parents bring their children to places they should not be in the first place. While a childfree zone in fine restaurants could be a start, it would more ideal if they would ban children from these places altogether.

As a server many moons ago I can tell you one thing: servers hate serving your children. Children are annoying, loud, messy, and your requests for what food they can and can’t eat are exhausting and ridiculous. If I’ve decided to take myself out to a nice meal, I’d like to eat my expensive food without the audible background of noisy children.

Take your kid for their happy meal somewhere else more appropriate, as your kid probably isn’t old enough to truly appreciate or remember dining in such a nice place. While you might think this is self-centered of me or other adults without children who wish restaurants would start offering childfree zones, consider that it’s equally as selfish that you expect the public to be tolerant of your children.

4. Movie theaters

I understand you wanted to see a film so badly you were brave enough to come on opening night to an R-rated movie with your grumpy offspring because you failed to find a sitter. However, what I fail to understand is why you chose to pay $12 for a ticket and $20 in snacks to then be constantly interrupted by your child who doesn’t know how to behave in a movie theater or a baby who cries during the film because, hey, it’s a baby and this movie is loud as hell and probably scaring it. Seems like a lose-lose situation for you and your kid, not to mention it’s fucking annoying to everyone else sitting around you. Movie theatres already have a spot just for kids: it’s the theatres with the G-rated films. Wild idea, I know, but those movies are made especially for kids. R-rated movies are for adults, so please, for the love of God, stop bringing your kid there and let us adults have our own space.