Kitty Fitzgerald

Kyle: Spits on your vagina. Is offended when you offer lube.

Often, when girls blindly hate other girls, jealousies are involved. An insecurity is being called upon. They see someone represent something they wish they could.

Jennifer, you’ve become the absolute woooooorst.

Some women are into nipple play. Some aren’t. But dear Lord, why are you trying to smash her breasts between your hands? Are you checking for lumps?

Which royal family were you born into? Do you have a castle? Can I visit?

The eldest of the Kardashian children, Kourtney, is officially back together with her off-again-on-again 3 time baby daddy, Scott Disick.

Be horny.

Scorpio: You sting anyone who comes too close, so it’s pretty inevitable you’ll be flying solo. You prefer it that way. People are terrible.

“Being down there you really get a sense of your dude’s hygiene level. It’s funny how many jokes exist about the way vaginas smell. You ever been nose level with balls? It’s not always fantastic.”

Finding out your significant other voted for Trump.

Mr. Medium and I met up at my favorite bar, a much preferred setting than the stuffy conference room we’d been in the night before. The bartender knew me by name and a dusty pool table sat towards the back. Every night felt like college here.

Honey, do you really think men weren’t after sex before? You think Tinder was the launching pad for them to treat you poorly?