Kirstie Devine

The first time I met you. How easy it was for me to have a conversation with you.

I don’t need to wait by the phone every single waking hour of the day for a response.

Why do we allow ourselves to do that?

You left me on read, and I tried not to keep checking my phone, to not have it by my side, but you knew what you were doing.

I don’t know how long it took me to realize this was a reality. This time we’re living in, it’s not a nightmare, it’s real.

I’m falling for your eyes. Blue eyes so crystal clear. I thought I would drown looking into them, now I float freely, calmly. You keep me leveled. 

I bought myself flowers for the first time. Because for so long I relied on the idea of expecting or needing someone else to do it for me. 

Everything I have learned in life has been a lesson. I don’t regret anything I went through because it got me to where I am today.

Those bad thoughts you put into your head can go away, but only if you want them to.

My healing process is over now.

I wouldn’t change any of the moments I’ve encountered when it came to love or an almost love or a love that still leaves me yearning for their touch even though it’s been too long.

We all deserve to feel something that’s real and not temporary. To be able to look at someone and see them as end game and not a quick pit stop to your final destination. 

After you left, I lost everything. Or at least it felt like that for a while.

“Life will find its way to all work out even when you don’t think it will and you’re trying to hold it together when you want to cry and feel so lost. Just keep going.”

So, to all the boys I gave my heart to, thank you.

This is what you deserve.

You looked a lot taller than the last time I saw you, but maybe that’s because I finally got to see how small I felt around you.

As much as I think about everything I’ve been through and the amount of change I’ve endured, I wouldn’t change a single thing.