This Is Where I Love You

So, the other day I looked at you from a distance within a busy crowd and I thought this must be what other people see when they look at you: a charming, good-looking and well-mannered guy. Someone that can easily whip up a conversation with a stranger or can make people turn their head around when you walk past them. From that same distance, you radiated calmness and a hint of mystery, as if you moved like the ocean: calm from the surface and mysterious in depth. It was the first time that I saw you through the eyes of those who do not know you (well) and it was obvious that others would get attracted to you.

But as I looked closer to you, I began to see you through my own eyes again. I began to see more than your outer appearance and what makes you, you. I began to see the moments you spent with me. Walking downtown with your arm around my shoulders with take-outs in my hands. You, letting me munching on your cookies when you ordered a cup of double espresso. Screaming on top of my lungs while you laugh at me in the rollercoaster. Staying until late afternoon in bed, just the two of us, with the world outside us.

You made me feel all kinds of things. Flustered, when I first got to know you better. Exhilarated, when I found out you felt the same about me. Infatuated, when I got love drunk by your attention. Most importantly, I felt loved. I felt loved when it was the most unexpected, I felt loved during the moments when it wasn’t fun or carefree at all.

I got spiraled down into a loop of setbacks and I left you behind to protect you from spiraling down with me. But you still followed me. I got accompanied by demons on my shoulders who poke me every now and then to remind me that they are still there. No one could help me but only myself, I knew that. But still, you sat with me with those demons between us. You didn’t ignore them or looked away, instead, you hold me close to you, whispering that you will be there for me, no matter what. And that, that is exactly where I love you.

You saw me stripped naked from the layers that I have wrapped myself into to be the fun and carefree girlfriend beside you. You caught me in my most vulnerable state, eyes glazed with tears with a heavy heart. And even more so, you looked into my eyes with so much certainty that it even startled my demons.

This is where I love you.

It is during such moments that I feel loved. As much as the other moments are memorable as well, these are the moments that I feel like we are truly connected with each other.

How grateful and loved I feel when I continue looking at you from the distance, that I am the lucky one get to see beyond the superficial and get to know the real you.