Kendra Syrdal

Windblown elegance is not reality. Messy, fluffy, poodle-looking hair stuck in my sunglasses is.

You are giving in to the societal pressures that pin girls against one another. You are responsible for making it too tempting to slut-shame, to hate you.

Todd’s filthy little tale has been read over a billion times online — yes a billion. She’s signed a six-figure book deal with Simon & Schuster, created an entire line of jewelry centered around the series, and recently sold the rights to a film version to Paramount. Not too shabby for a girl writing sex scenes about her favorite band member on her iPhone.

The Dollar Menu is the perfect way to get an insane amount of food for next to nothing. And then there’s the added bonus of being able to roll around in the wrappers like you’ve just had some dude “make it rain” rap-video-style on you.

2. You’re hungry.

You should give the sarcastic girl a break because in between all of the eye rolls and standup-worthy one-liners, she really loves you; she’s just trying to figure out how.

I really need to watch less TV.

I’m sitting at my desk in the second grade, working on a paper person garland. Snip. My scissors are cutting across the dotted lines I have so, so carefully outlined to make the perfect hand-holding figure that was demonstrated to us minutes ago.

I am not a girly girl. I didn’t step foot into a Sephora until this past year, and I’m 25.

Aside from the fact that we have a song for everything…of course. Also we promise to take it easy on the Rent lyrics. JK Rent is always appropriate. 1. We have super, super thick skin.

Oh you’re outgoing? That is code for faaaaaaaalaming.

If my life had a tagline it would be: You can’t outsmart the liquor.