Kendra Syrdal

I’m absolutely not too proud to admit I have given my number (both drunk and sober, I’m not gonna lie) to at least 4 Uber drivers and 1 Postmates delivery guy. Now have any of them called me? Only one and if you thought it would be weird, you were right. I guess I just look at those apps and think of them like Tinder, but with a service attached.

Be the friend you’d like to have. Yes? Yes.

Yeah I was wrong, I can’t do this. I’m just going to ask what he thought of the latest Walking Dead instead. All guys like to talk about zombie killers, right?

Now is the time to put together the pieces of nights gone by and figure out where your pants are. And their pants. Locate all of the pants. People can’t, or at least won’t, leave in their underwear so find their clothes and leave them in a reachable location.

And make sure to get them — or any of the above — some carbs and some water. Because that’s what friends are for.

6. Doing the “lean your elbow on my head because I’m the same size as a counter” thing is amusing the first time, but ridiculously annoying the twentieth time.

Just make sure you do not have to leave the house for anything because you will run into happy families and you will cry.

We’re the weirdest mix of super private and an open book that you’ll ever meet. We can be kind of difficult to figure out because we’re always more focused on other people. But once you get to know us, it’s totally worth it.

5. “Oh my god, look! No hands!”

Networks take note and send me a cut if you use my ideas!! Or at least a t-shirt…I don’t know.

3. Not Always Being the Designated Spider Killer.

These are the things that dudes are doing that just INSTANTLY let me know it’s not happening. Not for the long haul or even for one night. #sorrybro

My shirt is from a donut shop — a hipster donut shop, yes, but still. Who wears a donut shop shirt to the gym? Me, that’s who. God they’re like horses they can smell my fear, they know I don’t belong.

Make mistakes, take chances and *cringe* dye your hair if you feel like it. Just live. Because life is too damn short. Just don’t ever pierce your tongue, no matter how cool you think it looks.

Hard alcohol, whiskey and vodka, specifically, render me useless. I will not be myself for at least 24 hours and should just be left alone.