To The Boys Who Think They Are Friendzoned

Seriously, can you please just grow up?

I know that might sound harsh and maybe there was a more gentle, subtle approach I could have taken, but seriously. We’re adults, and you need to get over yourself.

Why do you insist on walking around, shoulders slumped, playing the victim? You are not a character in a Nicholas Sparks novel. You can keep writing letters, building your metaphorical house, sitting there pining for the day that she suddenly springs out of bed, eyes wide because she realizes what has always been right in front of her; but it’s pipe dream. It’s something novelists invented to sell books to people who refuse to face reality.

It isn’t reality. It’s a fictionalized version of a life so unobtainable and you are dwelling on it while ruining the life you actually have.

Yes, she’s attractive. Yes, she’s fun. Yes, she made your stomach flip in a way you initially deemed yourself “too manly” to feel. But she didn’t reciprocate the feelings. She was happy with the relationship that the two of you cultivated outside of wanting to rip each other’s clothes off. She likes what you have, what you are, and that’s not going to change.

And that’s okay. You need to be okay with it.

You two were supposed to be friends. You were supposed to have each other’s backs and be there for one another. You were supposed to be able to forgive, even when she didn’t owe you an apology.

Yes, rejection hurts. Rejection from someone you were already close with hurts even more. But you don’t get to go around blaming her for something that was so out of her control.

We can’t choose who we love, who to fall for. In the same way that your feelings were out of your control, hers were as well. She went from someone who you could platonically discuss who would die first in a zombie apocalypse with to someone you wanted to get lost in; I know it hurts. But you have to stop making it sound like she did something purposeful to hurt you.

She didn’t.

Do you think she wanted to lose you? Do you think she wanted to stop having someone to call her brother? Don’t you think if there was anything she could have done to make you hurt less, to stop you from feeling as dejected and tossed aside she would have? Don’t you think, don’t you know, there is also a part of her that wishes things were different?

You don’t get to act like you’re completely innocent. You can cover the feelings in as many glasses of Johnny Walker as you want, but it doesn’t make this something she did to you with malicious intent. While it’s understandable that you need time to feel the sting of “I don’t love you back”, you waltzing around completely slandering her and painting her as this villain in your too-sad-saga is frankly, ridiculous.

You weren’t friendzoned, you were treated like a friend.

What kind of an apology are you honestly looking for?

“I’m sorry for treating you exactly how I always treated you.”
“I’m sorry I’m not who you envisioned me to be.”
“I’m sorry I have feelings for someone that isn’t you.”

Does that make it better? Does that make the bitter pill easier to swallow?

I bet it doesn’t.

The fact of the matter is she doesn’t owe you an apology. And you know that. You know she didn’t do anything wrong and that’s partially why this hurts.

So I get it if you have to walk away. I get it if the only way for you to maturely move upwards and onwards with your life is to no longer include her. If that’s the decision you have to make, go for it.

However if you walk away you need to stop saying it was her fault. Stop saying, “The reason our friendship is over is because of her.” If you choose to leave, leave. Leave it all behind. Like I said before, grow up.

Leave but know this. Just because you’ve chosen to not be a part of her life anymore doesn’t mean she won’t cross your mind, and you hers. She will still see places where you sat across from each other, $2 beers in hand, talking shit about your frustrations with college and miss you. You will hear from mutual friends about her accomplishments and wish you could Top Gun high-five her and say, “I’m proud of you, Trouble.” You will both run into each other at events, maybe tomorrow maybe in five years, and still feel the urge to make inside jokes with each other before sneaking away to the open bar for a shot. You’ll fight those feelings, swallow them down and cover them up with layers of “We aren’t friends anymore,” but that doesn’t mean they won’t exist.

And while she’ll always be a little angry with you for how you handled the situation, she’ll always miss you too.

But stop calling it “friendzoned”, because that’s not what happened. Your friendship ended, through circumstances out of both of your control, and even years later, you both will wish it hadn’t.