An Open Letter To Codependency

Dear Codependency,

You have controlled me for years. You have forced me to constantly doubt where I stand with the people around me and to always put myself second. Serving people is a pure thing, until it becomes toxic. The problem with putting everyone else first constantly is that people learn you come second. And you begin to believe you come second. The problem with you, codependency, is that you make me stand in the flames to keep the people around me warm at night. 

You have caused me to live my life as a rescuer. Rescuing people can be a good thing… until that person never asked to be rescued.

Codependency, you have taught me heartbreak. Through trial and error with several boyfriends, I learned the hard way that you cannot “fix” people, especially when those people never asked for your help in the first place.

You have made “I’m sorry” become the most used phrase in my vocabulary. Apologizing for your actions is a good thing until you find yourself doing it for no good reason. I do not have to apologize for every little thing in my life. Moreover, I do not have to apologize for being me. 

Codependency, you have caused so much trouble in my life. You have taught me incorrect things. You taught me that lying to make someone feel good is better than telling the truth, that I should ask another person’s opinion before doing something, that I should go places I hate just because someone asks me to, that the only way to end an argument is to assume I am in the wrong, that the thought of saying “no” never crosses my mind, and so much more. You have been my stumbling block. 

But not anymore.

Now that I have learned what you are, I realize your lies. Now that my eyes have been opened to the truth, you can no longer control me. 

I understand the importance of considering what I want and what I need.

I have the knowledge to wait for someone to ask for help.

I do not need to apologize for everything. 

I have learned to tell the truth and how the truth can help other people.

I can make my own choices.

I can say “no”.

Dear Codependency, you don’t own me.