These Are The Top 10 Things Only Children Are Totally Sick Of Hearing

10. “Wow, what was that like?” (insert wide-eyed gaze of amazement here)

Well, I grew up here on earth just like you, so I’m guessing not that radically different. 10% of the population is only children. I’ll sign an autograph later.

9. “Did you like it?”

How would I know, when I never knew anything else? How do you gauge how much you like something if you’ve never experienced an alternative?

8. “Why did your parents only have one kid?”

That would fall into the category of none of your business.

7. “Did you learn to share?”

Never needed to.

6. “You must have been doted on.”

You know my family that well? Sometimes I was. Sometimes it was annoying, sometimes it was great. Why wouldn’t I get all the attention when I’m the only one?

5. “That must have been lonely.”

You can save your pitying looks of sympathy. I had many friends, who all just happened to be only children too.

4. “Don’t you wish you had a sibling?”

Sometimes. But it depends on who they’d be. Just because you have a sibling doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed a bestie for life. Many don’t get along or even speak, and I don’t have that drama to deal with.

3. “There’s no bond like the one between siblings.”

You can say that about any relationship. They’re all unique.

2. “You were probably so sheltered.”

Believe it or not, only children go to school, play sports, join clubs, attend events, and in general experience life the same way as everyone else. I’m not sure how having no siblings somehow makes me a shut-in? We had to flex our friend-making muscles even more than other kids, which results in more confident, extroverted, and driven adults.

1. “Were you one of those spoiled only children?” (insert fake laugh here)

First, define spoiled. It means different things to everyone. Second, how many only children do you actually know well? Third, if I was, how or why does that affect you, and why do you care? Do I owe you an account of my childhood? Do you want me to apologize because my parents took me on nice vacations and bought me things? Why wouldn’t they, when there was only one kid to pay for? Should I have told them not to because I didn’t want other kids to feel jealous and threatened, feelings that often pathetically follow them into adulthood? As a parent, if you have only one kid and want to spoil them, that’s your prerogative, nobody’s business, and nothing you need to explain. Kind of like being an only child.