Beyond The Yuccie: 70 Alternative Permutations Of The Hipster
I am not even sure I need to link the article, guys, because it’s the #ViralThinkpiece of the week, the one that you had to actively try to avoid. I am of course referring to the recent essay in Mashable, The Hipster is Dead, and You Might Not Like Who Comes Next.
It’s a perfectly fine article, I guess. It’s alright, I guess. In it, the author declares the death of the hipster and simultaneous rise of the yuccie. Pronounced like “yucky” (get it?) a yuccie is a Young Uban Creative (get it?). The yuccie is the spiritual child of the hipster and the yuppie, interested in authenticity insofar as it begets a certain standard of wealth. The yuccie seeks the trophies of conventional success (money, property, fancy vacations, expensive meals) so long as they are acquired through creative means (organic sock companies, free range free verse small press publishing companies.)
It makes sense. It’s an incisive discussion of current trends. “Yuccie” is a snappy enough term.
It’s… okay.
I just would have preferred if writer David Infante had contacted me first. Know what I mean? See, I am a professional by day, but by night, I am a talented writer, with a keen eye towards cultural trends. I have a lot of ideas that deserve time, attention, and money.
I would consider myself to be above-average at being creative, and above-average at being smart. I had a lot of nougats of information that I could have contributed. A lot of accumulated wisdom I could have brought in. Mr. Infante was remiss to ignore my opinion. By failing to make one simple phone call, he denied himself the opportunity to hear my hundreds of thousands of amazing ideas.
I’m not necessarily angry, I’m just disappointed.
At the risk of sounding callous and seeming as if I am trying to upstage the biggest trend piece of this week and appearing to use someone else’s work as a stepping stone for my own success, I would like to submit for your consideration a list of alternative terms that are possibly better than “yuccie.” Infante did a fine job, yes. And I am not saying that the job I have done below is better. (Or should I say jobs? For I have presented many options.) I will leave that up for you to decide. I will leave that for you, as the reader, to choose.
So try the terms on for a bit. Wear them in the fashion of a hat, swapping them out when the situation merits. Do not even feel like you need to credit me, although you certainly may do so.
The options are as follows:
1. Angerster
2. Beerbeardfanatics
3. Brandpa
4. Brandero
5. Centurion
6. Contentmongter
7. CorporoGrrrl
8. Dandychap
9. Dandydude
10. Disappointing Goons
11. Drinkster
12. Drug Fan
13. Earbuddy
14. Engagementator
15. Fopcore
16. Futuras
17. Futuros
18. Godlessness
19. GoodFriends
20. GoodTimeGals
21. Havemonger
22. Heathens
23. Hurl-insults-online
24. Hurtcourt
25. Hurtful Ones
26. Influencero
27. Iconotron
28. Instagrandma
29. Into-the-Net
30. Ironotron
31. Laserfreak
32. Lesserbeing
33. Longreader
34. Marijuanter
35. Man’o’War’on’Terror
36. Musetto
37. Marajuanter
38. Meal Photographers
39. Ne’er-Off-Phones
40. Neverkno
41. Notgoods
42. Oblivias
43. On-the-Net
44. Order Fooder Eater
45. Organic Lad
46. Pain-in-the-Ass
47. Phase-Haver
48. Pluggedin’Always
49. PracticallyKids
50. Practicaljokesters
51. Pranksters
52. Rap Metal
53. Rappers
54. Reckless’Ones
55. Rejectsociété
56. Shredders
57. Snapchaps
58. Snowpiercer
59. Techsters
60. The Untested
61. Uniqulos
62. Un-profesh
63. Uploading Their Consciousness to the Internet
64. Thinkpiecer
65. WeTrustYou-NOT!!
66. What-a-Bunch
67. Yolorollers
68. Youthsters
69. YoungPros
70. ZippingThruLife (too quickly)
Again, not trying to upstage Infante here. But as a Hurtful One myself (just testing it out) I have egalitarian interests and a keen eye towards creative collaboration. And a big part of creative collaboration is listening to more ideas than just your own.
I eagerly anticipate my share of the internet’s unilateral support. 
