Katie Mather

Ah, the holidays. The air is crisp, gifts are exchanged, and human civilization as we know it is barreling towards an impending apocalyptic doom. Someone pass the hot chocolate!

You know. That Fucking Guy. He tweeted a thank you to the women who confronted him about his sexual assault allegations, he lives on Reddit, he’s probably in a basement somewhere right now. That FUCKING GUY.

Packets of green tea, organic tofu snacks, and hand sanitizer! I am a glamorous New York City woman! JK, no, I am always carrying just a bag of garbage.

I want to at least attempt to look like I belong here — like, ohhh, yeah, another Netflix premiere? I am at one of these things at least four times a month.

Sometimes this is my brain while trying to write.

Hello and welcome to Third Wheel Rehab! We are basically like a spa for people who have spent the last several months (or years!) perpetually third wheeling their couple friends. Let’s soothe those nerves because now you know that dating is a mistake!

Overthinkers unite! *cue internal monologue of panic*

I HATE THIS MOVIE.

I am in a different city, and it’s fine, but I wonder if it’s bad that I’m always just thinking about the other one.

If Meghan Markle can do it, so can you!!! Sort of.

Almost exactly a year after Rosemary’s Baby had been released, Roman Polanski saw his wife Sharon Tate for the last time. In August of 1969, the Manson Family broke into the house Polanski and Tate had recently moved into and brutally killed Tate, her and Polanski’s unborn son, and four others.

The year is 2017. Everything is cursed. But you know who isn’t all that bad? Brian — this tall glass of skim milk who has never tweeted the phrase “not ALL men” and who you now are obligated to fall in love with because he openly doesn’t support Nazis! This is as good as it’s going to get.