Katie Mather

Whittle a chair out of the closest tree to really CRUSH your itchy throat symptoms.

The Void is here for you, my sweet girl, and it is better than any man. Because it’s a manifestation of nothingness.

I think I’m supposed to feel fulfilled by bright pink sunsets and monumental confessions of love and grandiose gestures and stories with happy endings and books where all the characters live and when the guy I like tells me I’m pretty. But instead I feel the most myself when nothing is really happening at all.

Home Alone 1-4: This kid gets left alone… at home. Four times? Multiple times? Does the kid contact his parents in any sort of way? Does anyone care? How long is he left alone for? I CANNOT get over that there are four of these movies and people LOVE ALL OF THEM. THE PLOTS HAVE TO BE THE SAME.

Grab your eggnog and meet someone under the mistletoe — it’s holiday party season! And these 10 songs are the soundtrack to a great night!

Sometimes the best time to tackle your to-do list is when you are willing to do literally anything other than write!

Ah, the holidays. The air is crisp, gifts are exchanged, and human civilization as we know it is barreling towards an impending apocalyptic doom. Someone pass the hot chocolate!

You know. That Fucking Guy. He tweeted a thank you to the women who confronted him about his sexual assault allegations, he lives on Reddit, he’s probably in a basement somewhere right now. That FUCKING GUY.

Packets of green tea, organic tofu snacks, and hand sanitizer! I am a glamorous New York City woman! JK, no, I am always carrying just a bag of garbage.

I want to at least attempt to look like I belong here — like, ohhh, yeah, another Netflix premiere? I am at one of these things at least four times a month.

Sometimes this is my brain while trying to write.

Hello and welcome to Third Wheel Rehab! We are basically like a spa for people who have spent the last several months (or years!) perpetually third wheeling their couple friends. Let’s soothe those nerves because now you know that dating is a mistake!

Overthinkers unite! *cue internal monologue of panic*

I HATE THIS MOVIE.

I am in a different city, and it’s fine, but I wonder if it’s bad that I’m always just thinking about the other one.

If Meghan Markle can do it, so can you!!! Sort of.

Almost exactly a year after Rosemary’s Baby had been released, Roman Polanski saw his wife Sharon Tate for the last time. In August of 1969, the Manson Family broke into the house Polanski and Tate had recently moved into and brutally killed Tate, her and Polanski’s unborn son, and four others.

The year is 2017. Everything is cursed. But you know who isn’t all that bad? Brian — this tall glass of skim milk who has never tweeted the phrase “not ALL men” and who you now are obligated to fall in love with because he openly doesn’t support Nazis! This is as good as it’s going to get.