The Manic Pixie Dream Girl’s Christmas Wish List

1. Less sadness.

2. But simultaneously, a little bit more sadness.

3. Controllable sadness.

4. Ribbons for my hair.

5. A gramophone.

6. For only men with French accents to talk to me.

7. A bag of peaches.

8. A bike with a basket filled with baguettes.

9. Non-trendy overalls.

10. For society to accept that the moon and the ocean are dating.

11. Velvet turtlenecks.

12. For my boyfriend to cry more during sex.

13. My crush’s secrets.

14. A book deal for my poetry. (I use “flowers” as a euphemism for my vagina and “bees” as a euphemism for Mike’s penis and “rain” to symbolize both of our tears!)

15. New ukulele.

16. A silk handkerchief to hold all my treasures.

17. For 14 more people to be in love with me.

18. More Twin Peaks.

19. A jar filled with the tears of every man I was emotionally distant to.

20. To be shrouded in mystery.

21. For there to be a serious, nationwide discussion on why net neutrality is so important for an equal and free access to information for all.

22. More cardigans.

23. Architecture coffee table books.

24. More accurate crystals. I don’t think mine are working.