10 ‘Goosebumps’ Books Rewritten For Millennials

1. Welcome To The Dead Wifi Zone.

The Benson Family moves to Dark Falls, and while meeting with a real estate agent, their dog, Petey, immediately senses that something is just not right. The wifi connection is unbearable.

2. Escape From That One Friend Of Yours Who Always Asks If You’re Going To Come Watch Their Gig.

Lizzy is rapidly running out of excuses to tell Luke why she can’t listen to his Bon Iver cover band play.

3. Say Cheese and Die of Embarrassment Because You Just Got A Notification That You Were Tagged In 13 Photos On Facebook From Last Night.

Things take a turn for the worse when Greg sees that Shari (who he doesn’t even remember seeing last weekend!!!) has added an obscene amount of photos of him on the internet.

4. It Came From Beneath The Sink And You’re Not Fully An Adult So You’re Not Quite Sure How To Handle It, So For Now You’re Just Not Going Into Your Kitchen.

The first time Kit opened the cabinet under her kitchen sink, she saw a spider. To this day, Kit can’t go into the kitchen without silently screaming and has never been able to properly clean her countertops because the Lysol spray is in that cabinet and there is no way Kit is opening that portal to hell ever again.

5. Monster Blood, Jungle Juice, And Other Sketchily Named Mixed Drinks That Make You Wake Up The Next Morning Regretting Every Decision You’ve Ever Made In Your Entire Life.

Looking for fun, Evan decides to dabble with the greenish drink served at a party. His liver and memory inevitably suffer for the rest of the weekend.

6. The Girl Who Cried “Wait, Don’t Eat Just Yet, I Need To Take A Picture!”

Lucy is the type of girl who can observe when someone is just about to take a bite of food before she panics and makes them rearrange their plate so that she can Instagram it.

7. The Sunday Afternoon Of Doom: The Pivotal Point When You Attempt To Finish All The Work You Managed To Avoid The Entire Weekend.

Michael is constantly forewarned to dedicate free time throughout the weekend to chipping away at the mountain of work he’s been assigned. He never listens.

8. Don’t Go To Sleep, Because Someone Could Text You Last Second And Ask If You Want To Spontaneously Go Do Something Really Cool (So You Should Totally Stare At Your Phone Until You Pass Out At 2AM).

Matt is convinced tonight is probably the night that either Greg or Pam are going to text him in a panic about having an extra ticket for something cool happening. There’s no way he can fall asleep. Think of the FOMO.

9. Return Of That Guy You Gave A Fake Number To That One Time But Now You’re Both At The Same Club.

Nothing compares to the level of panic Britney feels when she realizes That Guy she gave a fake number to a couple of weeks ago is back in the same room as her and definitely recognizes her.

10. The Haunted Friendzone: When Your Crush Outright Tells You That You’re Like A Sibling To Them.

Tommy swears he’s cursed into this vortex where any girl he really likes always feels as though he’s “the brother they’ve never had.” No matter how many eggplant emojis he sends them.