Katie Hoffman

You swore you weren’t going to get your hopes up this time.

We all want things our way, on our terms, and sometimes we’re entirely too quick to sulk when we should be taking a breath and accepting that sometimes things take time.

Navigating through iPhone will be easier than ever before, but only after you get used to iOS 8, which, with any luck, will completely ruin your life like iOS 7 did when it was released.

You’ve paused a conversation with, “Hold on, let me Instagram this really quick.”

When you’re being creepy on some hot person’s Instagram. Small talk leads to accidental double taps.

You could easily make a list of human beings you like less than your dog, and it wouldn’t be short.

“I’ve already explained to you how ______ works at least seven times, and if I explain it again part of me is going to die.”

Letting your friends go for any reason is never easy, but never feel threatened by the benefits of splitting up so each of you can walk your own path for a little while.

I remember a time when I’d lose my mind over a fresh package of ballpoint pens from Office Depot. Now, I rely on naps and tea to keep me from turning into Patrick Bateman.

When you need to distance yourself from someone who’s bringing you down.

It’s a tale of a sunscreen SPF overestimation, indolent clouds, and an unexpected face-down ass-up nap in a chaise lounge by the pool. This saga would recount the hours I spent immediately after my sun exposure, during which I increasingly felt crabbier (no pun intended) and crabbier as the full extent of the burn set in.

Picky appetizer people ruin meals (and lives).

Be sure to share at least three pictures from different points in the show to really show how proud you are to be an American.

4.“Sharing your opinion” doesn’t translate to “putting someone in a headlock until he or she agrees with you.”

If the only thing you’re “in the mood” for is a greasy bag of cheeseburgers from White Castle, no one’s feelings will be hurt.

Don’t let the potential for what someone could think hinder or halt your progress.

I don’t have anybody in my corner — it’s just me, a picture of a celebrity whose $1,000 haircut won’t look the same on my head, and months of desperate bobby pinning.

But by that same token, there’s a big difference between respectfully, but still causelessly, disapproving of someone and being outright rude and ignorant toward them for no reason. Disliking someone doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a jerk.