Kate Louis

Leave for work/ funemployment activities/ assorted errands without paying attention to what you’re wearing and the situation on your face and with your hair. I’m in no way advocating following the Oprah always leave your house looking your best!!!! dictum to the letter because I am far too lazy, but you can’t fall in love or even momentary lust on the uptown 2/3 express when your greasy hair is slicked to your scalp like you just got out of a pool.

There were totally mysterious, unspoken rules about how best to wear your regulation plaid skirt, opaque tights, polo shirt and sweater that were set by the popular girls and that everyone else tried their best to follow. I had no idea how they knew, but some girls showed up on the first day of sixth grade looking perfect in a way that took me years to identify.

You work in PR because there are like no jobs in journalism anymore. She works at a wine store and gets hit on by hobos and her boss. In September, she will leave for France to teach English for a year.

I pulled up my dress and we hooked up in full view of the street. Thank god the Upper West Side is almost exclusively populated by rich old people and families—no one was out walking around. Walking me back to the hotel, he kept repeating, “I can’t believe I hooked up with a real Manhattan girl.”

Dating a Crazy Person provides all kind of benefits. They’re very eager to please in the bedroom.  Mostly, they’re skinny and smart in an unhinged way.  (I’m not bragging.  I’m only book-smart.) They’ll make you feel like God.