To The Person Wearing The Burberry Scarf

I’m one of those strange people that accounts for everything commuters are wearing when sitting on the subway. I notice the shoes that FILA clout chasers and Yeezy trend masters wear. I see your converse sneakers, Gen X adults. I see those large Louis Vuitton bags you grandmothers clutch onto oh-so-tightly. Most of all, I see you Burberry scarf-wearing one-percenters.

I see you standing on the train, quiet and self-assured, acting like you’re minding your own business while your business is, in reality, out there with a screaming vigor.

It goes one of two ways.

One, you were gifted or decided to buy a $400 piece of fabric. Do you realize how fortunate you are? Does it fill you with as much guilt and shame as it fills me with rage?

Well, good for you, I guess—your life is just so great.

Two, you’re wearing a cheap knock-off because you want to look like you have $400 to spend on a piece of fabric when in reality you had $30 to spend. God forbid someone gifted you this knock-off scarf—that would be even worse.

Well, now I’m feeling bad for you because you aren’t disgustingly wealthy, and now I feel bad for myself because I too am not disgustingly wealthy.

I’m not sure which side of the coin is worse, but it leaves me with a sinking feeling about the human condition that I don’t appreciate being subjected to.

I don’t particularly think that things like accessories or shoes should be so important, and yet it’s the small details that are such an accurate indicator of the people around you.

The guy with the fucked up sneakers that have a hole in the toe is most likely struggling. The lady with the Maryjane heels might have a Lolita complex. That guy with the black leather shoes probably works in finance downtown, is married with three kids, feels trapped in a golden cage, and is starting to re-develop a bit of a coke habit he was able to quit cold turkey 10 years ago. That person wearing sandals on the subway is obviously crazy.

Anyway, if you could knock it off, I’d appreciate it.

Sincerely,

The person wearing sneakers from Walmart