Kat George

There’s nothing worse than wearing pants—nudity is a wonderful thing. But you’re at your most vulnerable when you’re naked, at the mercy of emotions and the elements, which are both liable to kick your bare ass at any moment. Here’s a guide I prepared (based on my own experience) to help you navigate the minefield of the ubiquitous birthday suit in the context of a relationship.

When Daniel and I first started messaging each other on Facebook, Tweeting at each other and Skype chatting, I had the immediate instinct that when he got to New York we were going to fuck and that it was an unavoidable causal effect of us knowing each other. I’d never met him but I was drawn to him in the intrinsic way that a drunk is drawn to a cheeseburger—I wanted to have him even though he was only being served miles away.

It’s officially summer in New York and as an ex-fashion blogger I can tell you that this season’s hottest accessories are beer and music, so make sure you’re matching them otherwise no one will want to be friends with you at parties.

From the moment I emerged, bloody and screaming from my mother’s womb she resented me. Every time music would play my infant ears would perk up and my joints would become ridged, my tiny Michelin Man arms crunching back and forth in an adorable mechanical motion. My dad would say things like “my baby girl sure does pop a mean robot!” which only made my mother hate me more.

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” – As a girl I remember giggling about this and imagining some kind of mass orgy (yes I was a little pervert), but now I can’t think of a truer thing in the world. You’d be surprised how many guys seem to go out of their way to ignore my friends, or even to bitch about them to me after a first meeting.

You might make out, you might not, but you will exchange numbers. You’ll know that you really like each other when you’re in a cab going home alone at the end of the night and you’re sending and receiving super cute, incredibly loaded text messages to each other. The next day you’ll probably hang out again—one of you will inevitably invite the other to a group picnic or to see the latest indie film at the coolest indie cinema with some awesome indie friends.