The 10 Stages Of Working Out In College

Week 1: Our Bodies Are Ready

It’s the first week back from break and we’re pumped. We tell each other how much healthier we’re going to be this quarter and then just start laughing uncontrollably knowing that we will most likely not succeed. But at least we have an excuse to buy cute athletic clothes. After looking at clean eating blogs for two hours, we go grocery shopping and buy every organic fruit and vegetable in the store. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know what it is, we will still eat it (It took us forever to master the pronunciation of quinoa!). When we make dinner, we post a picture with a caption such as “Channeling my inner rabbit” or “Eat clean, train dirty”. While we eat a scrumptious salad, we create a workout plan for the next few weeks and set our alarms for an early morning gym session. We go to the gym every day this week and even meet new friends. We. Are. So. Dedicated!

Week 2: Progress Check

After having a successful first week, we are high on motivation. If we flex hard enough, we might be able to see our muscles starting to develop. Our excitement is a little overwhelming when we begin to post about how the gym and healthy eating are changing our life. We also start to post progress updates with #studyHARD #workoutHARDER. We ditch lecture a few times to try some fun exercise classes. Who wouldn’t want to take hip hop cardio zumba?! We’re so proud we’ve worked out everyday this week and ate super healthy. We wonder why we have never stuck it out like this before. But wait, it’s only the second week. We realize that we’ve spent way too much money already on groceries because vegetables and fruits are so expensive! (I once bought five apples for $9. They weren’t organic, either.)

Week 3: Reality Sets In

We’re getting tired and sore but tell ourselves the hard work will pay off later. That’s the spirit! Since we’ve been going to the gym, we start recognizing the regulars and soon make eye contact with a hot guy. Naturally we think one of us are going to fall in love with him so we go back at the same time for the rest of the week (even ditching a class) and yet we don’t see him again. Sigh. At least we got our workout in. We decided to have a day off from the gym on Friday because we’re going out to party and dancing will be our workout. Alcohol is obviously included in our new diet because it is technically an organic compound. No breaking rules here! When we go over to one of our apartments, someone’s roommate is baking and we all have invisible tears streaming down our faces as we watch her carelessly eat a brownie. Obviously one bite wouldn’t matter, but we don’t trust our level of self-control. If only we had the metabolism of a high school boy.

Weeks 4-6: Midterms

The time has come. We try to ignore the fact that we have midterms and essays for the next few weeks. No biggie, we will find time to work out. On the plus side now that we have been lifting weights, we finally have the strength to carry the textbooks we just bought to the library. But as our exams get closer we start staying up later and later to study, which can only lead to one thing: hunger. We can’t focus with an empty stomach, so we eat anything that will keep us full for a while. We eat vegetables only to realize we are hungrier than we were twenty minutes earlier. To procrastinate studying, we look up pictures of food hoping to feel full only to realize that we are getting increasingly upset the longer we have an empty stomach. After overthinking what we should now eat, we decide to make an exception and choose from either pizza or a burrito. We forgot how amazing food tastes. We could really care less about the calories at this point because we know that we will exercise later. After the first midterm, we realize we have to study a ridiculous amount for the other exams. We slack off a little but fear not, it’s only temporary!

Week 7: The Comeback

So we didn’t work out as much as we wanted to the past few weeks. Sure we still found time a few times a week, but we cut our workouts short because we were exhausted from pulling all-nighters. We dream about delicious, unhealthy food again and our stomach cries a little. Needing some motivation, we remember that we’re going to a frat party this weekend and need to look amazing in case we happen to run into that guy from the gym.

Week 8: The Countdown Begins

Our professors so generously remind us that finals are in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. We enter panic mode. We haven’t done any of the readings and need to start studying because we have so much material to learn. Cumulative tests suck. We can’t remember anything from the beginning of the quarter. We start cutting back gym time to play catch up on schoolwork. That’s alright, as long as we are eating healthy, we will be fine. Our walk to campus gradually becomes our daily workout.

Week 9: What Goes Around Comes Around

Of course since we all hang out together, all of us get sick the week before finals. Our bodies are run down from either lack of sleep or possibly from our adventures from last weekend. We don’t workout because we feel like shit. We find enough energy to go to the last week of class and any review sessions. At this point, we literally give zero fucks about what we eat because we just want to feel better ASAP and finish this quarter.

Week 10: Finals

Let’s be honest, nobody actually thinks they will workout during finals week. There is too much to do and our grades are more important. We don’t want to overexert ourselves because we cannot get tired. We have to pull all-nighters to cram an entire quarter’s worth of information into our brains. Drinking massive amounts of coffee is one of our solutions. We try to keep each other awake. There is no time to cook, so we order takeout every night this week. We really want to workout but know we should study. This is the third week in a row we have slacked off. But after finals are over we realize it was worth it because we passed all of our classes. We celebrate with drinks and laugh because we know we will do the same thing next quarter. We make this goal because we are a support system, and even at our most ridiculous moments we are simply having fun doing this together. Last week we said we would start training for a half marathon after winter break. We’ll see how that goes.