Kara Nesvig

You brag about Bob Dylan having lived in Dinkytown…

I think Rita Hayworth would pick Viva Glam I if she were alive today; it’s vampy and glamorous.

I hope I’m not a horror story! I’ve never screamed or bled or anything! I hope my vagina is just a faceless, run-of-the-mill normal vagina.

I’m the ex-girlfriend who hopes my former loves walk past a girl on the street wearing my perfume and get a shotgun blast to the heart.

In this day and age where everyone’s scrambling to compare girls in their twenties to Lena Dunham and writing insipid essays about “millennials,” you might need a little foundation to keep you from losing your shit. No, literally: foundation.

Then I thought, A-ha! I can hide behind different “looks” and see what kind of response I get from men.

I am a woman, and it is my God-given right to wear fake hair, fake nails and get a spray tan or two if I damn well feel like it.

See something pretty, try and touch it.