14 Actual Human Names That Do Nothing But Make You Super, Super Hungry

Hamlet

Of course, Hamlet is a popular Shakespeare play. But when I hear the name, I just want a piping hot ham and cheese omelet. It could be 1pm or 3am. It doesn’t matter. Drive me to the nearest waffle house. This is happening.

Frank

Beef, turkey, sausage, jumbo, premium. Just so much yes. I don’t need to be at a baseball game or a barbeque. When the urge for one of these babies hits, it’s deadly. I will take all of the fixings and in copious amounts, thank you.

Denny

I think this name is pretty outdated as far as humans go, but the 24-hour waffle house has never been more popular, at least among my friends. Whether after a late night of Southern comfort slinging or as a road trip pit stop, Denny’s always has your back with some grand slam pancakes.

Curry

Stephen Curry is really my only example of this food-name gem. Anytime I overhear friends or radio announcers voice the athlete’s surname, my head and heart are bombarded with the savory delight that is Indian cuisine.

New York

Okay sure, it’s America’s Dreams Come True metropolis and not a “name” per se. But there’s that catchy Jay-Z song by the same title. But the term New York to a steak lover (me) means juicy, tender, orgasmic mouth indulgence that my blood thirsts for. Bib-me.

McDonald

No, I’m not referring to the old man with the farm. I’m talking about the cancer contributing, diabetes delivering, heart disease donating, calorie king that is so painfully deliciously that people (again, me) are willing to take on these health risks for a Big Mac. Because WORTH IT!

Margherita

Margarita actually sounds like a Cancun cocktail or a Madrid mistress. Still, I prefer option three, the Neapolitan pizza referred to as a margherita. Succulent San Marzano, mozzarella di bufala Campana, made with milk from water buffalo and fresh basil. Delicioso!

Alfredo

Come on. I’m fairly fucking certain this creamy, mouthwatering pasta could solve world wars. The only other way to use this name is maybe for a mafia member or someone from the Surpranos? The God Father? I don’t know. I tend to stay inside my Disney bubble but Alfredo seems like a suitable hit-man name to me.

Benedict

There are many types of benedict to satisfy your stomach appetite: eggs, crab, lobster, burger, smoked salmon, Irish or chorizo are a few. Benedict Arnold is one name that alerts my appetite to these fine dishes. But when Benedict Cumberbatch comes along, I wonder if cucumber benedicts are a thing. Google pauses to roll its eyes.

Carl

I don’t know who Carl Sr. was but his son knows what do to with a burger patty. And a fryer. I picture a jolly fat man with an comb over. Think Santa Claus but with without the red sweat suit and voluminous clouds for hair.

Brussels

Sprouts. Amiright? The word Brussels is a gateway thought to roasted, healthy, broccoli, and kale. Brussels is also a place in Belgium. Obviously where Brussels sprouts were invented.

Fry

French fries, deep fry, onion rings, hot wings, doughnuts, tempura, ALL GOOD THINGS. The fryer is a beautiful American (did we invent this? Who cares, lets take credit) invention that truly enhances all eating experiences and waistlines. I am just so proud of us, guys.

Coco

Sure, there is a celebrated fashion designer with overpriced accessories by the name, Coco Chanel. And lets not forget about the other Coco with the notorious derriere who is married to the famous rapper known as an iced drink. But when I hear Coco, my brain jumps straight to coconut, coconut rice, hot cocoa, chocolate, and chocolate chips. #FoodForThought

Marie Calendar

Bitch went ahead and took every girl’s middle name, so we would feel closer to her restaurant chain? I don’t know. Seems legit. Regardless, their salad bar is topnotch and their cornbread is something to ride home about. While we are at it, has anyone ever made a calendar of popular Marie Calendar menu items? Copyright that.