Kara Crabb
6 Ways Fighting Has Influenced Me
My brother and I used to physically beat each other, claiming territory over sections of our home when left unsupervised.
Driving Home From Detroit
I just like speeding on the highway with no body around, no thing around, except for street lamps, hung like rows of mechanical scarecrows.
How To Say Goodbye
“Sayonara!” With a hiss of the tongue, a projection of the throat, and a short nasal-like cheer at the end.
How To Do Your Homework
Why are you avoiding your homework so much? Aren’t you curious about nature? Or culture? At all?
If I Could Meet Aristotle
“Aristotle,” I would say. “Aristotle,” and I would gently grab onto his arm and lead him out the backdoor exit, pursing my lips through an index finger.
What’s Up With Eggs?
When I think of a chicken I think about the weirdness of the neck movements, and the croaking sounds that they make in a yard with each other. They are reptiles with feather coats and awful beaks. They are soul-less. I both love and hate chickens.
What To Wear New Year’s Eve
Without a doubt nakedness is the best way to ensure a memorable New Year’s Eve. It takes a pretty confident person too complete the look.
Things To Consider At The End Of The Year
As December dwindles into the abyss of 2014, it’s hard not to reflect on the many challenges and glories we’ve had to face, as a species, as small democratic networks, and as individuals.
How Not To Gain A Thousand Pounds During The Holidays
As you may have discovered, there is no possible way to maintain a normal diet in December. Egg nog, panettone and tourtière will obliterate your standards faster than you can say “bah, humbug.” It’s bad news.
How To Wait In Line This Holiday Season
Humans go crazy in December. From far away it might look like an ant hill on the sidewalk. Instead of crushing them with your shoe (RIP to all of the Wal-Mart employees who died this year) be courteous!
How To Avoid Your Family This Holiday Season
Just be drunk.
How To Call Your Grandparents
Old people are old. This has many social implications.