The Day I Decided I Wasn’t Pretty Enough

I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t pretty enough.

I’ve probably spent most of my life thinking it honestly. During those awkward middle school years, I especially thought it because so many people told me I wasn’t.

I guess that carried with me forever because I’ve never, not one day ever, thought I was pretty enough. Sure I have felt pretty before. I have looked in the mirror and thought, “Wow. You’re kind of beautiful.” But that thought would soon be wiped away and my confidence stolen right out from under me by a comparison to someone else.

It doesn’t matter how pretty I look or feel, I know in the back of my mind someone, a lot of someones, out there are far prettier than me. It doesn’t matter in my twisted mind that I look totally different than anyone else and I have my unique qualities that are beautiful. I just compare myself to anyone and everyone who everyone thinks is beautiful.

It’s funny that we can see the unique, striking qualities about others that make them beautiful, but we can’t always seem them in ourselves.

It doesn’t matter how many compliments I receive or how many times people have told me I’m pretty, I won’t feel pretty enough.

I have decided many times that I’m not pretty enough for my dream career, I’m not pretty enough for a great boyfriend or husband, I’m not pretty enough to wear certain things, and I’m not pretty enough to go do so many things I want to do.

On Saturday, I went to visit some of my college friends, and I complained about myself the whole time. About my skin, my body, just about how “hideous” I was in general. That means I talked about myself more than I listened to them and talked about uplifting and glorifying things. That means I completely shamed a child of God.

On that Sunday, as I drove home feeling completely empty, I finally really realized that I really would never be pretty enough. And I accepted it with wide open arms and a screaming, crying heart.

No one will ever be pretty enough because what does that even mean? What IS “pretty enough?” Being “pretty” should not matter in deciding what to do for the day or for the rest of your life.

Following your heart in love, life, and work has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like. Now, that’s no reason to let yourself go and stop showering and dress like a slob, but you DO NOT have to look “perfect” in order to get what you want out of life. Let that sink in. Tape it to your mirror, repeat it every day, and do not let the thought enter your mind that you are not worthy of great things just because you don’t look like a supermodel.

You’ve heard a million times that God has deemed you “fearfully and wonderfully made,” and that’s because it’s the truth and the only truth that matters.

Your skin won’t always be fresh and young. You will gain a little weight. Life will happen and it will age you. But with age comes beauty. Age means you’ve lived. You’ve lived long and loved long, and THAT is beautiful.

Intelligence, compassion, kindness, empathy, determination, hope, joy, love. Those are all beautiful things. A person can have all of those things and not be the most drop dead gorgeous person, but they will radiate beauty, even to a stranger, because those traits overpower good skin and hair any day.

Without those things, your beautiful body is an empty shell that will perish. Your beautiful soul is an eternal thing.

So, it’s just a thought that we should be a little more worried, as in every day thinking, about the looks of our souls.

Read more. Laugh more. Think more. Love more. Make your soul more beautiful all the time.

That way no one can ever make you feel like you aren’t all the things you are.

So no. I’ll never be pretty enough. I’ll never be skinny enough or tall enough. My hair will never be perfect enough, my teeth never straight enough, and my tummy never toned enough. But I am enough.

I’m enough to achieve anything I want.
I’m enough to have loving people around me.
I’m enough to have a great day and brag about it to everyone.
I’m enough to help someone else have a great day.
I’m enough to be a friend. A great friend.
I’m enough to love.
I’m enough to be loved.
I’m strong enough, loud enough, smart enough, funny enough.
I’m more than enough.
I’m enough me.

I will never be pretty enough because that is unrealistic, unreachable, and untouchable. Pretty enough doesn’t exist because no one gets to decide what pretty is.

I’m so happy I’ll never be pretty enough because it leaves so much room for me to be so many other things.