7 Ways To Pass Time While Your City Is Under Lockdown

It’s that time again! When an act of domestic terror forces us into our homes while a manhunt carries on around us. It seems like this part of the year drags on and on and then when it’s over…bathing suit season. Ack! Am I right?

By Josh Gondelman

Updated 12 years ago, April 19, 2013

Here are a seven ways to pass the time while you’re cooped up in your apartment praying for justice to be served in a swift and bloodless fashion.

1. Quiver

Quivering is a great way to cope with stress, and you can do it anywhere. Your bedroom. Your bathroom. Your office. Wherever you’re sequestered because of an ongoing military investigation in your county. Plus, it burns calories! Quiver with fear for your family. Quiver with rage at the perpetrators. Quiver with anticipation at being able to buy groceries and take walks and breathe fresh air. Make it your own. Just quiver! If you lose steam, try mixing it up and quake for a while.

2. Find God

They say there are no atheists in foxholes, but they never mention studio apartments or duplexes or mansions during citywide manhunts. In a time of crisis, you can find God anywhere. And it doesn’t matter which God. The Judeo-Christian no more valid than a Hindu deity. In fact, if you’ve already got a creator of choice, now’s a great time to switch teams and experiment.

3. Curse God

There is so much horror and inexplicable evil in the world. How could a benevolent creator allow for that? Good question! Curse the name of God and/or renounce him forever. Where’s the proof of a guiding force of good in the universe on a day like this? You could argue that it’s in the hearts and actions of first responders or in the groundswell of support for the people of Boston. Or you could cut loose and reject the very idea that the world is a fundamentally good and kind place with a compassionate overseer. Or maybe it is such a place, but God doesn’t exist. Who knows? Not me!

4. Sob

Nothing wrong with a few uncontrollable tears now and again. It’s kind of a guilty pleasure. Sob for our collective loss of innocence or your own personal disillusionment with human nature. Get into it and sob about totally unrelated issues. The loss of a grandparent from years ago or the fact that you squandered your musical talent working as a claims adjustor in an insurance firm. Go all out. Crying is great for your core. Remember…bathing suit season!

5. Tell Your Friends And Family You Love Them

Even a quick text gets the message across. For folks you’re closer with, write a lengthier email. Reconnect with a distant relative or an ex. Catch up with a college friend you haven’t spoken with in ages. If you run out of hip, social media savvy people to communicate with, write a letter to a grandparent. Throwback Thursday! A sense of caring and community is a hot spring look and draws the eye away from those extra pounds you may have put on during the winter. Oh God. If I live to see bathing suit season this year, I’m going to have rock hard abs. I’m going to go to the beach every day. I’m going to live, goddammit. Really live. Life’s too precious to just waste writing lists of things. I’m going to scale Everest. I’m going to fall in love.

Oh, boy. Now I’m sobbing again. Good thing that’s on the list already!

6. Sleep

Sleeping helps burn through those idle hours. Whether it’s a fitful, nightmare-filled power nap, or an afternoon-long exhaustion coma, sleep is the fuel your body needs to go on. Although, why bother, right? I’ll sleep when I’m dead, because who knows when that’s going to be! Thank goodness I don’t have children. What a world.