I’m Sorry That It’s Still You

I’m sorry for loving you.

I’m sorry for giving you more than you asked. I’m sorry for thinking that there was something more than what we actually had. I’m sorry for living in a fictional world, refusing to accept our reality. I’m sorry for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship. I’m sorry for wanting more than a friend, more than a best friend.

I’m sorry for always looking forward to our calls. I’m sorry for longing for you when you don’t reply, for missing you when we’re miles apart. I’m sorry for hugging you, for holding you longer and tighter than usual.

I’m sorry for losing you.

I’m sorry for failing to keep my promise to stick with you. I’m sorry for no longer being there, for causing you to leave my side. I’m sorry for leaving you, for believing in what others told me. I’m sorry for not trusting who you are, for letting others ruin the image of the person I grew to know, the person I grew to love.

I’m sorry for being replaced. I’m sorry that we learned to look for other people. I’m sorry that we had to go through different paths. I’m sorry for causing us to lose our plans, for throwing away all the promises we kept. Again, I’m sorry for my feelings.

I’m sorry for missing you.

I’m sorry that you’re still the thought that dwells in my mind at one in the morning. I’m sorry that every single song, every single tweet, every single poem still reminds me of you. I’m sorry for looking happy, looking carefree, despite you being gone. I’m sorry for keeping a space for you in my heart, no matter how much we hurt each other. I’m sorry for looking for distractions to get my mind off of you.

I’m sorry for still looking forward to your call, for still longing for you, for still wanting to be in your arms. I’m sorry for still watching your snaps, for making sure that you’re still happy, no matter how much it hurt me. I’m sorry for not moving on, I’m sorry for not wanting to move on. I’m sorry for sticking to the past, refusing to look forward.

I’m sorry for letting you ruin my life, even when you’re not there anymore.

I’m sorry for pushing others away. I’m sorry that I refuse to open up, for being scared of getting too attached again. I’m sorry for still thinking about you, even when I’m surrounded by those who try to make me happy.

I’m sorry that I can’t commit myself to the new relationship I have. I’m sorry for not being happy with her, for not feeling committed. I’m sorry that a part of me still loves you, still belongs to you. I’m sorry that my feelings for her cannot be compared to the genuine love I felt for you.