A Schizophrenic List of T-shirts
It was a hot night. Sidewalks were crowded. A mohawked punk walked by with a shirt that read: “Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil.” Behind him an “MIT Mom” (as declared by her maroon jersey) took a big lick of her chocolate-swirl cone. She looked proud. The night’s schizophrenia drew me in.
By Jon Cotner
This afternoon I found a paper scrap dated August 31, 2010. On it I’d noted the messages from all the T-shirts I saw while waiting for a friend outside St. Mark’s Bookshop in NYC.
It was a hot night. Sidewalks were crowded. I thought I would go in the store to cool off, maybe check out their new arrivals. But then a mohawked punk walked by with a shirt that read: “Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil.” Behind him an “MIT Mom” (as declared by her maroon jersey) took a big lick of her chocolate-swirl cone. She looked proud. The night’s schizophrenia drew me in.
No need to browse bookshelves – our vast culture was available on Chinese-manufactured cotton and cotton-poly blends. Between 8:02 and 8:07 I glimpsed assertions of sexual and athletic prowess, existential and political conviction, intellectual aptitude, brand allegiance, aggression, wealth, and the pleasures of travel and drink.
Here’s the T-shirt list in strict chronological order from top to bottom:
- Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil
- MIT Mom
- New Orleans is for lovin’
- Iron Man 2003
- King of Cool
- Dallas Cowboys football
- Try pestering somebody else
- Harvard University
- Coral Springs 9th Annual Marlin Tournament
- DKNY
- I have the dick so I make the rules
- Shut down Guantanamo
- Game Over
- Ogden newspapers
- All-County Player of the Week
- Tahiti Nui Cocktail Lounge
- Live Free or Die
- CPDSA staff
- Squirt
- I Am Carles
- It’s ok I’m with the band
- Ohio State College of Medicine
- Graffiti changed my life