Johnny Dollar

Girls have “Fuckboys” all wrong. He won’t leave you hanging. He’ll always be there for you in exactly the way he said he’d be there.

You know the one I’m talking about, the one that drifts like a fakely romantic plastic bag through the seasons of your life, popping up here and there, always to be counted on to turn up again and interject themselves just as things start to smooth out for you.

The things in this article are true. We all know it and it’s time we got it out.

2. Never date a cheater…even if that person cheated with you.

What’s a man of quality? A gentleman.

So months ago I wrote an article entitled 14 Proper Ways To Think About What Exactly A Big Penis Is. In it, I mentioned one guy I knew who had “made” his cock bigger.

In retrospect I was unimaginably glib. It all seemed like some grand adventure to me. I was young and indestructible. My charm was unavoidable. We’d never argue, surely. We were in love. We both loved to drink. What could go wrong?

We shouldn’t have to be ashamed of these things and we really need to start getting over the idea that some sex questions are going to be embarrassing to ask especially when they’re in relation to someone you’re actually having sex with.

I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.

I want to address some basics here mostly for the benefit of the 20 something young men who grew up watching and very possibly imitating porn. This won’t be a touchy feely list. It will be frank.

“It’s terrible to be young. It’s terrible. Terrible”

Love is the only dialogue that’s always an action.

It’s never as simple as good or bad.

Would it kill them to hire an actual African actress if not an actual Kenyan?

“Almost ready” doesn’t mean “ready in a half hour.” It means “we will be walking out the door in the next five minutes.”

Why are we always talking about what “girls” do? Let’s talk about what “women” do.

Can we please stop coddling him and tolerating his juvenile poetry?

1. So, the answer is basically anything longer than 7 inches or 6 inches in girth.