John Gorman

I don’t know what trying feels like. I don’t know what happiness feels like. I, increasingly, don’t know what sobriety feels like. I don’t know what I feel like. Most people only write about getting sober after they’ve been at it a while, and it’s an inspirational story about self-discipline and perseverance. This is not that.

A date a month later turned into two. A night spent together that lasted all weekend. A runaway train of passion and freedom, unbounded by caution or reason or is-this-even-worth-doing. And so when she asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, I just assumed she meant every word. She asked me, point blank and in the plainest of terms, if I wanted her to break my heart. I said yes.

We drift in and out, but the marks we leave are as real as the air we breathe.