Johanna de Silentio

There is a little Charlotte York sitting on my shoulder telling me guys lose respect for girls who enjoy sex.

Hearing noises when I drive my car. Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car. Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car.

They think that I am smart and/ or pretty and/ or cute and/ or fun to be around and/ or chill and/ or tolerable but mostly because they either aren’t looking for more than a brunette who is conscious or someone who fits the freakishly-detailed but completely bloodless list they made for themselves when they first started ‘seriously looking.’

You should basically just flaunt your employment up until the moment you meet a man with borderline-income-replacing capabilities and then forget about yourself and your career progress entirely.

1. Make their bed. 2. Own a pet or a child. 3. Have a stress-free conversation with the mechanic. 4. Have more than one set of sheets.

You won’t get over someone else, if that’s what you’re trying to do. I’ve heard that you can get over someone by getting under someone else, but I’ve experienced the unreality of this claim. Sorry.

Angry Feminists believe in equality but hate lots of women—basically anyone who is pretty, wears heels, or laughs a lot. Actually, a large part of Angry Feminist culture is the rejection of feminine things for the sake of rejecting feminine things.

Automatically having the most exciting stories/life of most of your friends.

The better-looking the female is, the greater your unfounded hatred should be.

Someone says, unequivocally, that this is The Worst Article On This Website EVERRRRRR.

You know the type: “It’s just like…. the universe… you know? Like how could it not, man?”

When I realized with conviction that if you left me today that you will have left me a better, happier, more complete person than you found me.