Johanna de Silentio

Maybe it’s like having kids where studies show parents are pretty unhappy compared to their non-parent peers and they all tell themselves its worth it because raising a kid is such a meaningful or joyful experience.

Don’t be a victim.

What I’m Doing With My Life: Thinking about my ability and inability to understand the divine transcendent reality, be a good person, live a ‘meaningful’ life. Existing in absurdity, etc.

You are going to run your mouth about philosophy and retributively annoy your entire family by talking about things they are too embarrassed to admit they don’t understand.

You want to tell them something simple, the laws of logic or 2+2=4 and they’re debating you in some f-ed up dream logic until you yourself are confused about which way is up. This is what talking to you feels like.

Expectation: Get lots of cool pills.

Things don’t have to last forever as a prerequisite to them being worthwhile.

Anybody who doesn’t get a hangover. ?You probably have at least 16 more productive hours a week than the rest of us. You consider yourself normal and us ‘troubled’ but that is marginalizing. Stop bothering me and hand me the Ibuprofen you inevitably have in your desk because your lifestyle allows time for things like ‘Target runs.’

Con: ‘Art jokes’

Alcohol. At its best, dating can make you feel all warm and fuzzy, happy, uninhibited, giggly, etc. At its worst, dating can make you puke, lose all your money, get fat, and make a fool out yourself in public. Luckily, dating won’t damage your liver (at least not directly).

At some point a forlorn eight-year-old (wearing something that could only be described as ‘thrifted burlap,’ natch) sauntered up to me and asked, “What are those?” An evil smile crossed my face as I dumped a pile onto his plate and thought to myself, “You’ll never be the same!” Do things like that.

What this all boils down to is the fact that as well-intentioned as they may be, your friends when so heavily relied upon end up creating an artificially comfortable atmosphere where you’re vulnerable to feeling like ‘things are okay again’ enough so that you stay with The Person.

There is a little Charlotte York sitting on my shoulder telling me guys lose respect for girls who enjoy sex.

Hearing noises when I drive my car. Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car. Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car.

They think that I am smart and/ or pretty and/ or cute and/ or fun to be around and/ or chill and/ or tolerable but mostly because they either aren’t looking for more than a brunette who is conscious or someone who fits the freakishly-detailed but completely bloodless list they made for themselves when they first started ‘seriously looking.’

You should basically just flaunt your employment up until the moment you meet a man with borderline-income-replacing capabilities and then forget about yourself and your career progress entirely.

1. Make their bed. 2. Own a pet or a child. 3. Have a stress-free conversation with the mechanic. 4. Have more than one set of sheets.

You won’t get over someone else, if that’s what you’re trying to do. I’ve heard that you can get over someone by getting under someone else, but I’ve experienced the unreality of this claim. Sorry.