To The One Who Will Love Me Someday, But Who I Am Not Ready For Yet
I don't want to be the girl who made you bleed just to love me. I am in no condition to receive your love nor give you love.
I have no heart to give you at the moment. Darkness and pain is all I can offer. I suggest that you don’t put effort to win me because I assure you that I will only doubt you and think you will hurt me.
Don’t ever dare give me that “It’s okay” and “We’ll put the pieces back together” bullshit.
I will pick up the crumbs of myself I have unceremoniously left on the floor. I have to stitch up my poor little heart and let it heal from all the stabbing I have done. Believe in me when I tell you that I am capable of finding healing, myself and the light that I have lost.
Please don’t hate the guy that hurt me. I don’t want you to hate him or his decisions. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m his loss. I don’t need you to do that for me. I am about to do the most frustrating thing – forgive him and forgive myself as well. I will learn to forgive myself for not leaving, for crying and for not letting go when I should have.
I don’t want to be the girl who made you bleed just to love me. I am in no condition to receive your love nor give you love.
I have created ghosts and demons I can no longer ran away from. I have to be brave and face them now. So wherever you are, I want you to stay there. I am not ready for you.
So until the time I have regained my light and have a heart to love you with, I hope you are well. I cannot wait to meet you, but for now let’s both stay in our separate worlds. 
