Jim Goad

Lovemaking often goes wrong and leads to pain rather than pleasure. In many cases, it even leads to death. Here are thirteen such cases, ranked in escalating levels of severity

For tourists visiting a town for the first time, taxi drivers often serve as ambassadors, the human gateway to the sights, sounds—and, often, the smells—of a new city.

Efforts to resuscitate him proved unsuccessful, and it was later determined that he died of a heart attack, most likely amid the throes of sexual ecstasy.

A leg or an arm—when placed in the wrong hands—can be used as an assault weapon or even a murder weapon.

We have nobly endured such tremendous persecution throughout the centuries that it would not be unfair to describe us as the “Jews of Dexterity.”

As everyone knows, hate speech isn’t free speech, and it isn’t protected by the First Amendment.

2. Kevin, 24 years old. “I thought whoever saw it would know that I was saying they were the douche. But now when people look at it, they think I’m calling myself a douche, which isn’t the case.”

A 42-year-old Turkish woman with Parkinson’s disease has quit taking the drug rasagiline because it induced multiple “unwelcome” spontaneous orgasms daily—as many as five per day.

I’ve never seen white and black people get along better than they do down South.

4. Wednesday
No matter what anyone says to you, reply with, “Looks like I hit a nerve.”

I doubt that women suffer any more than men do; it’s that women cry more loudly.

When I get back home, I’m going online to search for Hazmat suits.

I think it’s OK to murder a fetus. It’s at least ethically better than putting a child through the slow death of being unwanted.

My man side was guilt-tripping my white side, completely unaware that my man side was just as unfairly privileged as my white side.

It’s hard to imagine a crime grislier and more depressing than disposing of one’s newborn infant in the trash.

I think so, but under one condition—so long as everyone makes fun of everyone else all the fucking time until everyone finally gets over themselves and pulls their thumbs out of their asses. Deal?

5. Housekin
They suffer housing discrimination and thus chronic homelessness because our society refuses to develop housing large enough to house a house.

She allegedly distributed a digital file of her 3D vaginal scan to 30 or so supporters and was arrested on obscenity charges as a result.