Jim Goad

Humans seem to fear nothing more than uncertainty, which is why they tend to just make shit up.

The Red Scare of my youth has now been supplanted by a Rainbow Scare.

The pain! The agony! The oppression! Quick—somebody grab me a box of Kleenex, so long as they aren’t white!

The big issue here isn’t guns—it’s that the military creates psychopaths.

When you start with a blanket assumption that any group is operating from powerlessness and innocence, you invite a handful of manipulative psychopaths to take advantage of that presumption.

I realized that if I could save a mere one razor a month, a family in the Amazonian rain forest would have enough coconuts to survive. I decided to think globally, act pubically.

While lecturing me that I walk around with an invisible knapsack of privilege, you walk around with an invisible butt plug of sanctimony.

Blood is something you almost wish you could erase but can’t.

Math is political, and this includes the Western imperialist social construct known as geometry.

I will perform your gay wedding if you provide transportation expenses and suitable accommodations.

Xanax is designed to kill anxiety, which is precisely what makes it so dangerous. A little anxiety is good—even necessary.

Is God gay? If so, explain how he was able to have a son.