Jim Goad

I was talking with a friend yesterday—no, technically, I was trading text messages with her.

It’s curious that the word “privilege” has become an insult. It used to be something you aspired to rather than apologized for.

You can bet your lily-white ass that if a group of Christians had kidnapped nearly 300 girls and were forcing them to recite Bible verses, that fact would be touted loudly in every account of the story.

Africa’s most populous country is a perennial gold mine of psychedelically odd news stories.

Is it worse to lie in order to hurt someone, or to tell the truth in order to hurt them? I think it’s worse to lie, because you’re a liar on top of being a malicious prick.

Hey, ladies! Is he afraid to commit? Have you been going out with him for years…or weeks…and he hasn’t popped the question?

Multiculturalism appears necessary only to erase borders in the service of creating a global labor pool.

1. ’Tis better to give than receive.
Fine. Give me everything you have.

She’s loved and followed celebrities her whole life, ever since she was a little girl.

No matter how bad the food or service is, I usually don’t complain at restaurants because I don’t want the servers or chefs to tamper with anything I’m going to eat.

We’re hooking up later tonight.

A person who fails after making an honest-to-goodness attempt at suicide is a double loser—first because they tried killing themselves, and second because they couldn’t even get that right.