Jim Goad

If you’re trying to win someone’s heart, maybe it’s not the best idea to leave a dirty piece of looseleaf paper with a message written in your own blood under their windshield wiper.

it’s possible to literally die from laughter—not from the joke itself, but from the body’s reaction to it.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” —Norman Vincent Peale

Do some people surround themselves with pets to avoid figuring out how to deal with other people?

Because flowers make it just that much more passive-aggressive.

Why are all 17 of these suicide-note excerpts—that were taken from real people who really killed themselves—so touching and poignant and insightful?

Namasté, motherfuckers.

Romantic love often goes sour.

There are hundreds of different code words that people have used throughout the past few centuries to refer to sex. Here are some euphemisms for sexual intercourse that will make you laugh aloud:

It shatters childhood innocence to learn that Santa Claus is an asshole.

5. Man dies of heart attack after attempting to get a blowjob from a vacuum cleaner.

She even called all this so-called gay misogyny a “huge problem,” a statement which by itself is hugely problematic.