Is Apple Sexist For Rejecting Female Masturbation App?

Would Steve Jobs have had a problem with women giving themselves hand jobs?

Apple Computer, which likely has facilitated and enabled billions of jack sessions and hookups worldwide, has now cast a dark and sinister shadow on female self-pleasuring and feminine orgasmic self-empowerment by rejecting the HappyPlayTime app from its iTunes stores worldwide.

What’s worse, they have done it during International Masturbation Month. Coincidence?

According to the HappyPlayTime website, this crowd-funded app and its adorable bouncing pink-vulva mascot named “Happy” are “designed to eliminate the stigma around female masturbation”:

Loving your body, in every way, is not a sin. No more shame, no more secrets. This little vulva is on a mission: to free the world from a silly social stigma.

On May 13, Apple sent a rejection notice to the app’s developer, citing some archaic and discredited patriarchal rules about how “Apps that present excessively objectionable or crude content will be rejected” and how “Apps containing pornographic material…will be rejected.”

I am SO SICK of such mansplaining, I swear I could smash my iMac right now. If you could see me right now, you’d know that I’m shaking my damn head.

After all we’ve been through as a nation—I mean, like, Martin Luther King and Take Back the Night and Occupy Wall Street and Nelson Mandela and The Bee Gees and the Black Panthers and Jackie Robinson and Gloria Steinem—this is clearly a sign that there is much more progress yet to be made. I believe that the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards the clitoris and stimulates it. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the clit, come hell or high water.

For now, women with iPhones are left out in the cold, unless they want to set the ringer on “Vibrate” and have a friend call them hundreds of times in a row.